OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- lily
- Member
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Re: I find myself here
To put an historical perspective on it - MOM's are certainly not a new thing, divorce is the relatively new thing.
Its just logical to recognise that for hundreds of years there have been people in MOMs, without the option of divorce.
It also seems for sure to me that finding a straight spouse has always been the preferred option for the non-straight spouse. From the look of it, where they're both non-straight finding out your spouse has been pretending sucks even though they're also doing it to them.
So there you are. I remember at one point, before it got to meltdown, well before I realised he was gay in denial, talking with a friend about my difficulties in the marriage and I ended up thinking that I am like a cushion to keep him comfortable and everybody wants me to stay where I am so they don't have to bother with him.
I lasted 37 years. Basically, it was more like an excruciation than a burden I could learn to handle more easily in time.
Last edited by lily (January 15, 2025 5:34 pm)
- Imogene@51
- New member
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Re: I find myself here
What is a MOM? I have recently joined because my husband of almost 28 years told me 4 years ago that he is an autogynephilia. He says he wants to stay married and wants our marriage to work, but I am finding it to be more difficult as I learn more about his condition. I do not have the strength to start over, and I don't have the strength to keep tolerating this less-than-fulfilling life that I keep going along with. I am 51 and do not know where to go from here. I want to run and start over. At the same time, I don't know how I can do this.
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: I find myself here
Imogene@51 wrote:
What is a MOM? ...
.
A MOM... Mixed Orientation Marriage... is a marriage/r'ship with two people. One of whom is straight and one who is not straight. Ie; gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender...lgbtq±+++.
Sounds like you've unknowingly been in one, then 4 years ago your husband told you you were in one.
To be happy in a MOM you have to be okay with your spouse NOT being straight.
Elle
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (January 25, 2025 12:46 am)
KIA KAHA
- lily
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Re: I find myself here
a Mixed Orientation Marriage doesn't always have a straight - sometimes they are both in the closet.
It is a whole different dynamic where they are both deceptive.
More often than not though, what we are seeing on this forum is that it is one closeted same sex oriented individual married to a straight.
Look, the world is chock a block with people who seem so nice, but as the truth of them emerges it turns out they are unkind, entirely selfish and manipulative.
Certainly that was the case with my ex - Gay In Denial. Selfish as the day is long. emotionally, psychologically nastily abusive, but it was underhanded - he always seemed so nice, never yelled at me or hit me.
He didn't want to get divorced either. But it had become clear to me that things were only going to get worse and it was a case of self preservation. I was lucky to have a friend who recommended a good lawyer to me.
It wasn't until I got away from him that the anxiety in my gut which I thought was a part of me I had lived with him so long went away, over night.
It's tough situation to find yourself in and I hope you can take comfort in finding you are not alone. There are so many of us. But if you have family and friends you can talk with that will help the best.