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    December 25, 2024 1:36 am  #21

    Jupiter1
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    Re: When will I feel better ?

    Amazing the repeating themes here. I can relate too. We are working with an attorney on our settlement agreement and while I’m treading so carefully, my stbx is unleashing his anger on me, blame shifting like a pro (also I’m not even blaming).

    I can see everyone’s point that getting past the divorce will be helpful and allow more healing from all the gaslighting.  Isn’t it wild how this person who was your main go-to person on this earth can become such a trigger for constant pain? I’m still at the point of thinking about the demise of my relationship most every conscious minute.  Somehow I do work and carry on conversations but the soundtrack is running in the background and my concentration is sub par.

    I started reading a book called “it’s ok to not be okay.” It’s somewhat repetitive but makes the point well that grief and feeling crappy are part of the human experience, and healing takes as long as it takes. Your stories and recovery offer hope that moving on from relationship trauma and grief is possible.

    Last edited by Jupiter1 (December 25, 2024 1:51 am)

     

    December 25, 2024 10:42 am  #22

    walkbymyself
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    Re: When will I feel better ?

    "These guys will play the "shame" card, and blame "society" for their shame, and expect us to toe the line where they draw it about "telling," but the shame they ought to feel, but don't, is about what they are willing to do to us and to ask us to do.  "

    I wanted to respond to this.  It's entirely his concern if he prefers to stay in the closet, right on up to the moment when he attempts to shift blame to me.  

    I would make that extremely clear to him.  You initiated this divorce because of his behavior, and as long as his public commentary is consistent with that reality, there's no need to out him.  The moment he tries to shift blame to you, you have every right to correct the record.  

    I think the rules around not "outing" people shouldn't require us to be complicit in our own victimization.

    Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
     

     

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