Hi. I honestly never thought I’d find myself here, but I appreciate that this exists.

My wife and I have been together for 12 years and have 3 kids. The past 6 months or so I’ve noticed her feeling distant. We’ve always had a great marriage and very active sex life, but lately I felt like more of an obligation to her.

She has several lesbian friends who I also consider friends of mine and I’ve never felt concerned about that. But recently she’s just been wanting to hang out with them more and more. I find her laughing texting on her phone all the time. She became really close with one of her married gay friends and that woman’s partner accused my wife of trying to get with her. At the time I thought it was insane, and she even reassured me as much.

We’ve had several talks about the distance between us and she said a lot of it was due to some mean things I said when I was feeling neglected & stress. I didn’t mean them, and I’ll always regret what I said. But throughout our marriage I’ve done everything to be a loving husband and father.

Today after comforting her distance again she finally disclosed that she might be gay. She seemed sick to her stomach, and both of us cried for a while. I do believe that she loved me and we both know what we have is amazing, but ultimately she’s come to this realization.

She told me first, which I appreciate, and she said nothing has happened with her friend, except maybe a slight confusing crush. I know this is hard for her and I want to support her and work together happily, especially for our children, but we agreed that we have to split.

I think right now I’m just spiraling about my whole life being gone. I believe her when she says this is a recent development, but I can’t help but feel betrayed, used, and gaslit. She seems scared to come out to her family, but she wants to tell everyone we’ve just grown apart. I absolutely don’t want to force her to come out, but I also just feel like I’m living a lie now.

I’m going to continue to support her while we take it slow and try to figure out the best path for our children, but right now I just feel like I’m having trouble breathing and at my absolute rock bottom. I’m a child of divorce so it sickens me to put my children through this, but I know with us working together it’s already a better start. I just can’t imagine my life without my best friend, lover, and only seeing my children part time now.


Thanks for your time.