Lostperson wrote:

.......How long did it take u to process all this and get out ?
It has been 6 months and I'm back and forth with my ideas and feelings

 

After many years of figuring out how I felt about how my r'ship, and where my former partner A placed me in it....I  decided after 32 years (bearing in mind the first 20 or so years were absolutely great) that I no longer wanted intimacy with him. As a woman (to put it plainly) sex means love to me....and as much as I wanted to the connection wasn't the same between us. It took me 3 years to reach that decision, then 3 more to move out. 
So I hate to say it but 6 months may just be the the beginning. Some get out sooner, some take longer. Some stay, for all kinds of reasons. Financial. Emotional. Family support. There is no one-size-fits-all. 

The back and forth you're experiencing is you weighing your options. Every few months I'd test the resolve of my desire to leave and just know I wasn't ready. Our children are all adults and A wasn't nasty, negative or violent so I had time. And things just fell into place for me once I'd made the decision to leave but the most important support was my family, who were always there.

I consider myself lucky. A is paying half my rent, the power bill, and my phone but that won't be for much longer I hope. I could go back to him tomorrow simply to have an easier life but that would mean dealing with all the emotional shit I had to deal with for years. I can do better without that heaviness on my chest and in my heart.

Elle

 

Lostperson wrote:

.....Wow ! I was so disappointed with myself being unable to make a decision.... .

 

Never be disappointed in yourself. You're having to make one of the hardest decisions a woman has to make. Keep your breathing deep and steady, strength will follow

E
 

Anon 765 wrote:

It took me about 6 years to finally leave a very long marriage with grown kids, and a future that was looking really sweet financially. He came out as bi around then, and I asked myself all the usual questions about mixed orientation marriages, read a ton of books about bi men who are married, blah, blah, blah. It was hard. When I finally asked for the separation two years ago I walked that back when we got into the financials and the enormity of it all, but then he fell in love with his current fiancé and I knew it was over. So, it's a journey. A different one for everybody, with a lot of common stops along the way. You will get where you need to go when it's time.

It was definitely worth it, even though it was the very hardest thing I have ever lived through (hopefully the worst thing ever, but life has its surprises). I learned a ton about myself, my ability to cope and my strength. Elle's right - keep breathing and it will all be okay one way or another. 

Anon 765

Do you regret staying and trying to understand bisexual married men ?

I'm asking because I tried to convince my self but I seem to get very irritated when I remember seeing his emails and the pics ! I feel like I'm a fool.

I agree with what Elle says. I wish that instead, I had invested all of the time and energy I spent trying to understand him on *myself*. It's a step in the process though!

Tabor wrote:

You have young kids together. That should be both of your priority irregardless of your own individual romantic and sexual relationships in the future. The kids still need both of their parents to be there for them while being at least civil toward one another and that’s more important than whoever either partner might want to get involved with going forward.

It might be an awkward time to pursue a new crush but, then again, I sure wish I had a new person then or since leaving my gay ex and dating can be hard so maybe don’t totally disregard that but try to balance it with the other important family and life transitions you’re up against…

I think we are both trying to be civil but occasionally he says that i have to forgive him and he would never leave me ...which scares me ...

The new person also says that my soon to be ex will never let me go because I'm his cover and he doesn't want his sexual identity to be exposed .


Add to the mix that I'm trying to achieve a dream by applying to a competitive medical speciality and I take care of my mom financially and physically.

Honestly, I feel so burdened and sometimes I just want to disappear but then I remember I'm responsible for the kids .

I'm not suicidal...I think I'm just exhausted .