OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
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* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
lily wrote:
Psychology and it's uncertified cousin counselling are a burgeoning on-line industry aren't they. Looks like the Straight Spouse Forum is collateral damage....
A few times I have been suspicious of posts by a supposed straightspouse when their advice has read more like an article by a professional rather than the concerned, faltering tone of somebody fresh to the site and looking for answers.
E
KIA KAHA
- Blackie563
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
This right here...instead of objective advice, I have seen some offer advice based on their own life and if your counselor was a "mid life oh shit I am gay" then they are likely justifying their behavior with other clients. Otherwise, he/she would have to admit to their own lies/manipulation and most people can not live with that type of guilt. (Normal people anyway).
The professional certified fully trained psychiatrist I was referred to for counselling bewildered me, she did a good job in other respects but it hurt and confused me - it was only later I found out she was recently divorced and out of the closet.
- lily
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
Elle, yes that's right I've seen a few posts where it has crossed my mind this is written by someone interested in offering counselling.
I will admit I haven't explored the OnePath website that bought the Straight Spouses Network and therefore hosts this forum now - I don't know what they are about.
Blackie, I look back to that counselling and I just think she should have been honest with me, if I had known she was unable to sympathise with me then I would not have been left feeling confused and hurt when she didn't.
When my ex briefly admitted to being bisesxual he said it meant he was special, that he had a choice and it was none of my business. I have come to see that he is not unique in this and that he was serious about it all - he feels entitled to do what he likes.
- Anon 765
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
My first experience with therapy was a bit confusing, because she saw both me and my ex, individually and together. I would absolutely never enter into that dynamic again. I needed someone to be fully on my side.
During the time leading up to the separation, I was lucky to have had two good experiences - the first couples counsellor did individual intakes with each of us before we had our first session together. At the end of my session she said "once the woman has a foot out the door, it's almost impossible to get her back in". I think I knew then it was over. We had a few more sessions together, and it really helped me see that I truly was done.
I had a personal counsellor to get me through the separation and divorce, and she was amazing and incredibly helpful. I felt seen, heard and validated in my choices. She was truly my rock.
I can totally see that things might have gone very differently if I hadn't lucked on to two good counsellors. I was so vulnerable, and I wanted the marriage to work. I think I could have been convinced to keep trying, or to accept that he was bi and who knows where that would have led. It's the best thing for both of us that this marriage is over!
- Jupiter1
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
It’s a tricky business finding a professional or friend whose counsel is wise and trustworthy. I love the advice of someone here (Elle? OOHC?) to keep on moving and find someone else if a therapist’s advice doesn’t sit right. I’m dealing with the trans issue in my relationship and it is so tough to find any professional brave enough to take in the straight spouses point of view. It’s baked in political correctness right now with professionals scared of being perceived as bigoted/non-accepting.
I recently made a change in therapists and while I feel grateful for the caring support I’m getting, the new therapist still minimizes the trans/sexual identity differences. Like that’s not such a big deal, it’s really that he’s mean… when actually it’s both of course.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
..... the new therapist still minimizes the trans/sexual identity differences. Like that’s not such a big deal, it’s really that he’s mean… when actually it’s both of course.
I believe that many people, and professionals (counsellors, psychologists, therapists) will have somebody in their close circle who is trans....a child, grandchild, sister, brother.....and that their personal view must change the way they practice. I know it shouldn't but this social contagion has crept into every corner of everybody's life it seems and we don't know it because it's not talked about. Or....you can only talk about it if it's positively affirming and fucking kind!
Elle
KIA KAHA