Rob - *hugs* It is hard. I still struggle with the anger and bitterness over life at times. My days have become unbelievably better than they were, but it will never be the same. And the scars are deep.

OOHC - by the end, every time my former spouse would make a comment about wanting to talk about anything, or just have a "musing" I would get sick to my stomach, panic, and throw up. He called me paranoid and was on my case why I couldn't just get over it.......and then he blindsided me and abandoned me. 

He had the audacity to tell me....months after he blindsided me, walked out and dumped everything on me to deal with....that he had no idea why I was so paranoid.

And does your spouse's heart break for the kids?  And, if so, what is she willing to do to lighten their burden? Pay attention to that, because it is an index to her real feelings and to her real concern.

Anon2222 wrote:

Lily - I feel you.

It was so insidious, how it all happened. Oh how I wish I had left when he first came out....I also had high blood pressure, my blood sugar went wonky, I couldn't stop throwing up, chest pain. You name it. Now that the divorce is finalized....it has pretty much all cleared. Lost 20 lbs. Don't need the anti-depressant anymore.

It's hard to leave even when you know they are gay, but before?  my first attempt was in my early 20's - I just up and left.  He came and found me, he begged me to come back saying how much he loved me and I returned.  Still remember the deflation I felt once back with him and it was all a bit blah again.  My second attempt was in my early 40's, I apologised to him, I said I just couldn't stay with him any more and he said I could go if I took nothing with me but my clothes.  ie, leave our house, our business, and the money in the bank.  After a bit of time I crawled back and took up residence on the sofa, eventually buying a bed and staying there for another god knows how long til I finally worked out he really was gay just denying it and got my mind and my brains back.  

I just think it's weird the way that he was the one making what I can only describe as a toxic emotional brew but I was the one who suffered from it.  Glad to hear your health has improved so much Anon, shocking isn't it.

Last edited by lily (October 13, 2024 4:25 pm)

Anon2222 wrote:

 every time my former spouse would make a comment about wanting to talk about anything, or just have a "musing" I would get sick to my stomach, panic, and throw up. .

I have had intense anxiety attacks just seeing an email, or knowing he was coming by the house to pick something up from the front porch. Recently we had to have a conversation on the phone. I was so anxious beforehand, but then when I heard his voice, I thought, wow, you are not as important to me as you used to be. Since then I've been less reactive when seeing an email or seeing his name. Progress! My body is starting to relearn how to feel safe.

 

Ikey7, I’m sorry for your pain and totally understand your worry for your kids. This is heartbreaking territory. All you can do is keep stepping forward, getting more information, trusting your gut. Your kids will be better when you find a secure place for yourself and them to land. Sending best wishes