I am thankful to have found this site, the podcast, and local support - it has all been immensely helpful. These resources kept my sanity in check as I got closer to the truth the last few months. My husband finally and "officially" disclosed to me a few weeks ago and I am experiencing a whirlwind of different feelings. I wanted to share it here, but let me know if it would be a better fit for a different thread.

Relief: After trying to decipher his mixed signals, gaslighting, avoidance, etc. for almost a decade, it was an enormous weight off to have confirmation and clarity from the man himself. Now that I am not so mentally preoccupied with anxiety, my head is so clear and no longer spinning! I seem to have so much more free time and focus now... a nice problem to have, for once.

Anger: Realizing I spent nearly ten years trying to figure out "what was wrong" in our marriage and how much my mental (and physical) health has suffered by trying to "fix it" and believing that I was the problem. How could I let something consume me for so long like that? How could my husband not see this or hear me that whole time? 

Empathy: Also realizing how deep and far down my husband's pain, insecurity, and denial has really been for a long time, way before we met, even. I don't believe any of his negative behavior prior to disclosure was malicious. He has never been unfaithful, but he frequently avoided intimacy (except a couple choice activities that were solely focused on him) and always became defensive or shut down conversations around intimacy. He's always been a remarkable partner and person in every other way. I remember a podcast where a formerly closeted husband said he hadn't been aware of his wife's struggles because he was so caught up in his own narrative. It is difficult to understand, as I am not in those particular shoes, but I do feel deeply for my husband and anyone struggling to accept their authentic selves.

Since disclosure, our relationship has seemingly become much stronger, more communicative, and ultra-relaxed. I am ABSOLUTELY paying attention to these every story on here, though. I am fully aware this is likely the "honeymoon phase" and I'm staying guarded to an extent. I have no idea what the future holds, but for now... I'm just trying to enjoy this current clarity and re-focus on myself for the first time in years. 

Last edited by prettysure (October 2, 2024 6:25 pm)