Malex wrote:

Why do they shave or trim their bodies so much? My ex suddenly started shaving everything! From down there to his legs? 

Shaving isn't necessarily a gay thing. Some straight guys do it for the ladies but the reason why a guy would do it is because they think their partner(male or female) likes it or because they think it makes them more attractive to whomever they want for a partner. 

Thank you for writing Anon. In reply: 

1. There is a hot button argument going around that sexuality is a spectrum and there is no such thing as "straight" - that everyone has some amount of same sex attraction, and for some reason, especially men. I have listened to people argue that every man has some level of homosexuality and that it is impossible for a man to be straight. Personally - I am a straight woman. I have never experienced any attraction to another woman in my nearly 40 years on this earth and, despite the horrible men I have met in my life, I somehow still continue to be attracted only to men. I'm wondering if this is actually a thing? At first I brushed it off, but I am hearing this more and more (again, especially related to men). So, as a straight woman am I expected to never meet a straight man?

This is the latest study I found regarding Americans who identify as LGBTQ: U.S. Americans who identify as LGBT by generation 2023 | Statista. According to these findings, if you want to meet a straight-identified man, you should stick to a partner born before 1966 because every generation born in 1966 or later appears to increasingly identify as part of the LGBTQ community. And a whopping 22.3% of Gen Z (born 1997-2004) identified as LGBTQ in 2023. So there is the data.  Anecdotally, I now identify as 100% gay; meaning I have zero attraction, nor desire, to sleep with women. However, I once identified as heterosexual, was married to a woman, and had (infrequent) sex with my (then) wife. So perhaps some would accuse me of being bisexual? Oy vey it's complicated! Acceptance and awareness of the LGBTQ community has grown exponentially over the past 15 years since I came out. This might explain why younger generations identify as part of the queer community; as there is less stigma attached to the same. As for you finding a straight man, if the above study is credible, the vast majority of society still identifies as heterosexual. But I do agree dating is somewhat of a minefield for straight wives these days.   

2. This one has led to massive arguments among my friends/acquaintances groups. There are some incredibly vocal individuals on this one. The argument is that if you will not go out with a bisexual individual then you are homophobic. Again, this was brought up by several female individuals and they were talking about bisexual men in particular. That if a woman declines to date a bisexual man, they are homophobic. I actually don't understand the logic of this one. LBGTQ groups argue they should be free to love whom they want, but straight people are not allowed to? I would like to know if I am missing something with this one?

I know a lot of gay men like me who would never date bisexual men: are we homophobic? Perhaps we should distinguish between a personal preference and an irrational fear. No I wouldn't consider a straight woman who wants to date another straight man as homophobic. I consider bigotry/homophobia as broadcasting my preference, stigmatizing, and working to ban something. So I'd have to disagree with what sounds like a very young and very woke army on that one my friend. 

I hope I've answered your questions friend. If not, please feel free to post again. Be well! 

Last edited by Sean01 (September 24, 2024 6:26 am)

It is totally great that accepting differences has come a long way. I lost a very dear friend to HIV/AIDS in the late 1990s and to this day I think of that as something like a hate crime.
But. Even then he didn’t lie. He had the courage, once he knew who he was, to live his truth.
My problem isn’t the gay/straight/spectrum thing. It’s the lying. Just the same as if you are sleeping with another woman - or multiple other women - it is cheating. My ex husband excuses it all because cheating with men doesn’t count. People are people and cheating is cheating. Manipulating someone else’s reality is abuse.
  I’m really angry, I admit. Hopefully I can get to the other side. But again - fine to be a challenge because people are complicated. Different than a minefield intentionally set by someone who is lying.

I read Anon's post - understand and agree with her.

But yours?  Nope - you say we have to be kidding ourselves, hiding a little bit of same sex attraction according to you.  Not true.  

There is such a thing as straight.  Not so many as before with every passing generation but saying we don't exist is plain out wrong.

I can see how easy it is to make the leap from seeing so many complexities of human sexuality to saying there's no such thing as 100% straight - but I do assure you we exist.

From my perspective it's all binary - left or right you can't go both ways at the same time.  

I see it as a series of switches.  Groups of switches that go together, big switches with lots of little supporting switches.  for some of us it all hangs together pretty well.  Woman, wants babies, is attracted to men is pretty congruent -  woman, wants babies, is attracted to women - less so, accommodations will need to be made and on it goes.  Ever more complex.  

The gaslighting is stupendous these days.  The world I grew up in, no way would you have to argue you do exist just because you're straight.











 

I'm not sure what you wanted to accomplish by saying "there's no such thing as 100% straight" other than insulting someone who is 100% straight (and doesn't need to add qualifiers to the statement)?

If every other sexual orientation can exist on some sort of spectrum how can you argue that straight isn't an orientation? Is being 100% gay acceptable?

I will say, present day has gotten really bizarre about this whole thing and sticking labels on everything. And the pressure now to "explore your sexuality" - right down to trying to indoctrinate kindergartners. Why can't kids just be kids?

No, I have never been attracted to a woman (and no, I am not repressing some sort of deep, dark, secret) and I am only interested in a man who has never been attracted to a man. Should that not occur, so be it.

If people were actually happy and finding fulfillment from the dozens of genders and orientations, that would be one thing. But, I have seen a sharp rise in very confused, stressed, anxious and depressed individuals who have no idea what is going on anymore. While some progress has been made, I truly do not think a lot of what has happened is benefiting anyone anymore.

Just my two cents.

And Alex - Sean does not have to justify whom he would like to date to you and telling him it's silly that he has his own preferences is kind of insulting. I truly appreciate that he has been open and willing to answer my questions and has helped me unravel a lot of things that have happened. He has helped a lot of those who have gone through this.

Lily - I agree with you, the gaslighting is getting crazier by the day I swear