and just found receipts for vodka at the gay bar as well as 2 green arm bands, they have a color coded arm band system where green signifies "available". And a restaurant receipt for yesterday when she was supposed to be "working out".

At this point, I have to assume she wants to be called out. 

yes, this is very much worth thinking about -  she might not want to end the marriage in that she is already living the way she wants to.  

also sorry but I am wondering if the way you are tracking your wife for such an extended period of time is wise - is it legal?  

I thought the advice from the lawyer sounded good.  When my ex would stall in the procedure I would remind him that family court is full of couples going broke fighting over it when at the end of the day the judge is going to make the same split he would have done in the first place.

 

Last edited by lily (September 18, 2024 3:34 pm)

Held,

I basically did my own snooping and sleuthing ...my GX was so bad at hiding what she was doing..  could read all her disgusting and hurtful text and emails etc.      At some point I had to stop as her behavior was obvious that she didnt want me or the marriage anymore.   You know what you will find.. just more bad stuff and hurt.

Confronting was pointless for myself... regardless of evidence you may get just more delusional lies that make no sense morally or in reality..    Basically what I did was maintain status quo.. take care of the kids, start planning what I wanted, attorney, bank etc.... ie.  you can go out honey I'll watch the kids...just please go out.    There was little left to say.  We cannot force them to want us...  this is not us leaving them..this is them rejecting us.

Just start taking  steps, however small to plan your exit..    You may find, as I did, that you can prep and prepared quite a bit while she is oblivious is her gay fantasy land.   It was pomp and circumstance for me when real reality hit my GX  (what you mean you wont pay for hotel rooms anymore).

Wishing you courage and stoic resolve for yourself and the kids.

 

Super. Cold war tactics. 
I'm mainly keeping what I've found for use if she forces this to go to court, but also for when her side of the family starts asking questions. I'll need their support when it comes to primary custody. 
With the video on instagram, receipts, late nights, and that i simply don't want to be married to a lesbian witch (she's admitted to being lesbian, and the witchcraft is simple enough to prove), I have enough to confront her with without showing her the everything I know. Whether she denies or not, it's pretty easy for anyone to see she doesn't want to be here. 

The last lawyer i spoke with (who I know personally) advised against filing until I speak with her and just ask her what she wants. In my case, there's no real assets to fight over, we have more debt than equity. If she demands 50%... she's welcome to it. I plan to sell the house either way to pay off as much debt as I can, I'll be able to rebuild faster without her.
We married before I finished grad school, so even my retirement (less than $40k saved so far) is post-marital. Other than a 20 year old toyota and my non running project car, I don't have much else to lose as far as assets. 
Ultimately the kids are the only thing I'm worried about. 

Daryl, 
Understood. She's never exactly been fair nor reasonable. 

The in-law situation is probably not typical in that her family has been thru this before. Her father left her mother for a man, her step-dad's ex is also now a lesbian. They are all conservative Christian including preachers, and I've had a pretty good relationship with them all. I would even gladly consider moving closer to them (still in-state) just for the kids to spend more time with them. But you're right, this could all be wishful thinking.