prettysure wrote:

.......Does anyone else suffer from physical symptoms of the gaslighting? I'm talking about things like elevated heart rate, sinking gut feelings, dizziness from suppressing emotions, etc......  

I would say that all of us have, at some point, felt all of those emotions. I did....for years. Until I realised that A. was never going to change the thing deep inside himself that made his sexuality incompatible with mine. My love for him held me back, stopped me from seeing, acknowledging and admitting to myself that if *I* wanted things to change then *I* was the one who had to do it. 
The first step in all this was knowing that I couldn't do it on my own. Unless you can see and hear the reactions of somebody else to your situation you will only see & feel it from your own point of view. Look around you for a friend or family member you can trust to keep your confidence.
It is the hardest step to take.....but it will be the best step you ever take, and every step you take from there will make you stronger. 

Our Forum will build you up and make you strong. Keep posting and asking questions.

Elle
 

Yes, the first 6 months after finding her secret IG account and confronting her I lost about 35lbs before going on an antidepressant and gaining it all back (I've since quit using them as the side effects were getting annoying). I've always had stress related psoriasis which would get worse in stressful times. It's worse than it's ever been and in forms and places I've never  had it. From the neck down I look like i've got chickenpox. 

I had a terrible time sleeping for a long time, usually when it had been awhile since we'd been intimate, she'd push me away any time I tried to initiate.. I'd end up staring at the ceiling or just going to watch tv til 3 in the morning when I was actually sleepy enough, feeling worthless and unwanted. One I reached the point where I was done asking or expecting it, I've slept alot better, though sleep aids and melatonin are very helpful. 

Lately it's been the tenseness of constant anger, trying to hold it in for my kids sake while she's never around... the only night I have free to myself is when I go to Celebrate Recovery to talk about it. If you would consider a group like that, i'd highly encourage trying it. I held everything in for the first 6 months, but having that group to open up to helped alot, and Ive made close friends thru it. I've opened up to friends she's cut off contact with over the last year as she left our church to chase her lifestyle and my own family. It's their closet, not yours. I was willing to hold it in if she was willing to actually work on things, but it's clear she's not, so I feel my only obligation is to my kids at this point. 

I am overwhelmed (in a good way) at the beautiful, empathetic responses here. Thank you to everyone who responded and shared their experiences. I have plans to talk to a trusted friend very soon - between that and increasingly in-depth sessions with my therapist, I think some clarity may start to unfold very soon.

Sending good vibes to everyone here, whether you are currently in this situation or managed to move forward. You are all amazing! Again, I am so grateful for this community. 
 

I had a doctor put me on prednisone, as if that would help things.  

Hi Jupiter1,

It is slowly happening. More slowly than I'd like, but I do think it takes time. Google says it takes about 3 years to get over a divorce. So that helped me put things in perspective.  It took me a while to be able to stop and do nothing. Like, lie on the grass for 45 minutes and just watch the clouds. But it feels so very good!

I think some of my frantic "doing" was a way to not be with the big huge feelings. It's getting easier to be with those feelings now, so I don't have to "do" as much.

Thanks for the podcast - I'm going to listen! And good luck with your healing journey. Deb Dana and the vagal system might be worth exploring. Her books are accessible, and she has lots of interesting exercises.

Anon 765