OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- Jupiter1
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Re: I missed my husband today.
1. You made me laugh Oridinary and 2. It’s true and wise that we miss the fire even if we were doing most all the tending.
- Rob
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Re: I missed my husband today.
The fire is a great analogy. I think we all love tending the fire ..but need to do it with someone that has integrity and the same fierce love for us. That our spouses rejected our tending does not mean our tending was bad or that we should stop tending..just give that tending to someone who does the same.
Thus is not us leaving them...this is them rejecting us.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Jupiter1
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Re: I missed my husband today.
I guess this whole who is leaving whom is personally on my mind right now and getting me tangled. My stbx does various sexually acting out things over the years, now of an autogynephillic nature. I ask him to leave but then when does and happily, I feel rejected again. The dynamic is bogging me down. I need to keep my strength up for the road ahead. I wish I could zap the part of my brain that gets bogged down in feeling rejected and deficient.
I think another issue is my stbx wanting to date again when we’ve only been separated a short time. I know so many of you have exes who didn’t bother waiting til separation to step out on you. Such a lack of control in a part of your life- your partnership- where you expect to feel comfort and security.
Last edited by Jupiter1 (July 25, 2024 5:00 pm)
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: I missed my husband today.
You're bonded. Perhaps even trauma bonded. So of course when he walks merrily away you feel it at your core. What you're feeling seems to me to be normal, not something to beat yourself up over. (Not that I didn't do my own share of that!)
- Jupiter1
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Re: I missed my husband today.
One of the many things I appreciate about this forum is emotional realness. “Our path” gathers partners coping with discovery of unexpected and life altering events. Validating feelings is critical, and hard to experience in these complicated situations. Thanks OOHC for your response and and to everyone here posting and responding here; grateful for you all
- Anon2222
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Re: I missed my husband today.
Jupiter1 - it is completely normal to feel like you have been sucker punched in the gut during this process. It means you are a normal human being who loved your partner. And that's what makes this whole thing so bloody hard. Our feelings for our spouse are real, whereas theirs are questionable at best.
This was the hardest part for me - the feeling of rejection. It's quite the unfair kick in the ass after all of this - we do our best to support and love our spouses, and they happily trot off to live their "real" lives and usually say we never supported them in the first place.