OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



June 15, 2024 7:42 pm  #1


I missed my husband today.

We've started reaching milestone events that he isn't present for. 

He has been in my life, in my family's life, for 17 years. He's been at baby showers, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  
Today was my sister's convocation and he wasn't invited. It was never a question or a discussion, he just wasn't.
So I went alone. And I watched my sisters and their partners holding hands. And I watched couples whispering to each other, laughing together. Sharing in celebration with one another. 

A few months shy of our 10th wedding anniversary, the bomb fell. He didn't so much disclose as I ripped it from him.
And still I love him. I found out about the explicit images that he sent, the affair he had, and still I love him. He moved out with little consideration for how it would affect me and our daughter. And somehow, the need to hold him close persists. In the last five years of our marriage, I experienced a lot of withdrawal from him, of rejection and loneliness. And still, the sadness and grief and overwhelming sense of loneliness was almost too much today. 

I thought we would grow old together. 

Last edited by sgtpepper (June 16, 2024 9:18 am)

 

June 15, 2024 10:05 pm  #2


Re: I missed my husband today.

I'm so sorry for the loss you're experiencing. I'm still living with my wife but I feel the same rejection.  I told her tonight that I'm working to not care about her but this marriage was supposed to last our whole life and I was not prepared for this. Sometimes I walk in the room and I feel like less than nothing to her, like a void. I don't know why she still matters to me or why I can't forget about her and move on.  It hurts and it's damn lonely at times.   Other times I think I can do so much better and I'm able to imagine a time when I'll be happy again.

Last edited by Supernova (June 15, 2024 10:07 pm)

 

June 16, 2024 9:20 am  #3


Re: I missed my husband today.

Supernova wrote:

I'm so sorry for the loss you're experiencing. I'm still living with my wife but I feel the same rejection. I told her tonight that I'm working to not care about her but this marriage was supposed to last our whole life and I was not prepared for this. Sometimes I walk in the room and I feel like less than nothing to her, like a void. I don't know why she still matters to me or why I can't forget about her and move on. It hurts and it's damn lonely at times. Other times I think I can do so much better and I'm able to imagine a time when I'll be happy again.

I'm working on that, too. But you can't just hit a switch to turn it off. Every day I tell myself, just get over it. Or, it's probably for the best. But my thinking brain and my emotional brain are just too disconnected. 

     Thread Starter
 

June 16, 2024 7:10 pm  #4


Re: I missed my husband today.

Me too. Ups and downs. Days when I never want to see him again (most days at the moment), and days when I wish I could hug him and be with him. 30+ years is a long time to spend with someone and not feel their absence. I think it's just hard, and that's normal, and it will take time. I just let myself feel sad and cry if I need to, knowing that the next feeling will be along soon enough!

 

June 16, 2024 8:32 pm  #5


Re: I missed my husband today.

Same, especially feel the absence on a holiday, remembering what things used to be like as a family, before all the x-dressing started big time.  I think we are made to deeply attach to our family, and detaching from a loved one, when they are still alive but not with us is perplexing and sad. I would say my stbx definitely does not share my capacity for connection and loss. Sounds like that is a shared experience for many here

 

June 17, 2024 1:39 pm  #6


Re: I missed my husband today.

I think that is the difference between us and them..  we miss them and feel loss.   They somehow are capable of throwing us out like the day's garbage..and not feeling a thing.  It's a scary thing..its not normal.  Or at least it's the thoughts and actions of someone that we should not want to be around.



Lots of time to process and rationalize it but at the end of it all my conclusion is they have a "broken moral core".   When it started..the lie when they married us or when they started cheating .. it's still broken and wrong morality.

Last edited by Rob (June 17, 2024 1:41 pm)


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum