Good for you..its like a pile of bricks being lifted off your chest I found.   

Also pomp and circumstance...these spouses divorced us long ago..

May sound odd, but congrats! I was so excited to have mine official, which is not something I ever thought I would feel or say. Not that it is needed, but many of these folks are miserable. Mine continues to try to contact me, always projecting (I know you are hurt from me leaving, she tells me). I never respond. Only for things about the kids. I hope you do not endure that, but even if you do, you are strong and you will be able to handle it! 

Congrats!

I want to thank you for posting this.
I am stuck (at the moment) trying to decide what to do, after my partner of 10 years just told me he saw himself as gay (previously I always knew he was bi, and I was ok with that). He has had sex with me since, and adjusted the statement to "a little bit bi, but strongly gay" - this is a very sudden change from the past 10 years, during which time he hasn't bothered with men at all. I know for a fact he has met someone, I've heard enough statements that - when added together - present as evidence of this simple fact. 
He still says I am his soulmate and that he doesn't want to have an emotional relationship with a man.
At the same time, he openly admits he "must be selfish" and that I can't expect regular sex with him anymore. He also talks about spending time away from me "just for him", which will be additional to the current time we already spend apart (he works in mining, so he's away for a week at a time, every second week).
I thought I was coping well holding the fort while he worked away, coping with being on my own, working from home (a decent government job, but I don't earn nearly as much as he does), keeping everything going, and having an absolutely awesome sex life when he was home. Now it seems, he is asking me to accept less time and less attention from him, with less intimacy, but he says "I'm still me" and "nothing's changed." Anything that I say, can and will be used against me, including statements such as "I love you". 

Reading your story, there are so many similarities to what is going on here. It is extremely painful, more than words can say. But I understand that I must take steps to prepare for my exit, including sorting out the finances. My fiancee (he proposed only last December, back when life was so beautiful) said he would sign a prenup if it would make me more comfortable. Yes, well... it might not be a prenup that I draw up for us... 

 

gwendolyn_C wrote:

DD - this is when self-preservation needs to be considered. Your partner is telling you exactly what he plans and wants to do. To his defense, he is being truthful and now is the time to accept or reject how his decisions impact your life moving forward. You have already given 10 years of your life. Do you want to spend another 10 years in this state? How do you want to live for the next 10 years?

Yes, you will need to rebuild, but don't allow fear and the unknown to paralyze you. I can't go back and change time. Truthfully, my GID Ex is not a bad person. We have three beautiful children and he's a good dad. But I now understand that I deserve to be loved! You also deserve good love. Figure out if he is capable of giving you good and healthy love.

Thank you - that is what I aim to do. Obviously, when he asked me to marry him and I said 'yes', I felt he loved me with all his heart. I now need to see what will change moving forward. 
 

TeeWee - my hearing was today. The last couple of days have been unsettling to say the least, but I'm happy to be moving forward.  We have our final divorce decree date within two weeks. My Ex and I have are accepting this reality and focusing on what is best for the children. He's a good dad but I'm glad I choose NOT to sacrifice my happiness.