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Welcome to our Forum H 😀
I (F65) was indecisive like you. Wanting to be monogamous. But it was me against Same-sex Attraction and it wasn't even what and who my partner might be doing that was the catalyst for us separating. It was how I felt about myself (not good) and realising I could never change his core need to explore with men.
We each have an answer. We take different paths to reach our decisions. We learn that there is a lot of wisdom here from others who have travelled/are travelling the same road
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Wow, I truly get that. That is where I am now. Trying so hard to make it work that I am putting myself second, because it is so hard emotionally to admit I can never change his need to be with men (I am wife o 40+ years).
I just am not ready to deal with divorce and everything it entails, but I am losing myself in the process.
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yes, my truth, it is so hard, I remember thinking I could not bear it if my whole life ended up being about him.
so glad I got away from him, can't say it wasn't a nightmare going through the divorce process because it was but eventually it was over.
The other aspect to long term marriages that matters, I think, is that it is an ongoing process emotionally for the gay in denial man too. Eventually it wasn't just how I was feeling that mattered, it was how he was feeling - his resentment towards me was palpable. My cat would not stay in the room with him any more, I followed her out the door!