These comments really speak to me and where I am right now.  My husband came out to me after 42 years old marriage about 2 months ago because I caught him.  He says he is bi, and his liaisons were with men (well, woman twice because he slipped up when he was telling me a story and I called him on it).  But he has had liaisons for the 44 years I have known him.  Neither of us wanted a divorce (at least initially for me), and at first he was quite apologetic, but now he makes jokes of being able to hide things and wants to have his adventures openly - something I don't think I can deal with.  I feel so betrayed and hurt and untrusting - he got that at first but now has moved on and doesn't understand why I get so upset at times.  I would like to hear how you all have been coping with all of this as there is no-one for me to  talk to and I have recoiled inside myself.  Thank you for listening!

Hi Mytruth,  I am sorry you find yourself here with us,

I will share what I wish I would have done at two months after knowing I was NOT in a monogamous heterosexual marriage like I was promised:

Find the absolute best attorney (without your spouse knowing) and explain the situation, maybe an investigator if needed in your state and recommended from your attorney.  Get a plan together, then tell your husband you want to believe him and make it work but are afraid for your financial future.  Have him sign a post marital agreement so that if he continues to lie, cheat, and abuse you the pain of a contentious divorce can be avoided.

And as humiliating as it is, please get tested for STDs as soon as you can, and go for all the follow ups recommended.

Instead, I tried for over 3 years to make it work with my husband who was one of the (supposedly) most honest, amazing, full of integrity people that no one would believe capable of the horrific cruelty he exhibits.  Now after almost 30 years of marriage I'm here on a forum I wouldn't have even imagined!  Like so many others, I'm divorcing a "man" I never knew I married. 

I understand you not having anyone to talk to - because I wanted to make it work I didn't want to add the judgements and opinions of others.  Now he wants to tie any future alimony to me not telling anyone.  Ha.

After all of the 4 years of hell, and I'm not through the divorce yet with lost of scary unknowns ahead, I can say I wouldn't go back to before "the decision" to tell him to leave.  Use this forum as a resource, message me anytime, it's a rough road and can feel quite lonely.

To be clear there is no way I'm agreeing to that. After the hell I and kids have gone through I will have the freedom to tell what I decide . Which I don't know yet what that will be, I want to be on the other side of the divorce and sure that i'm not reacting emotionally and careful about what I share and how it will affect kiddos etc... but I'm not being "gagged" for *&^! sure