He works his butt off to provide. We have 5 kids, and one on the way (a miracle with how infrequently we have sex). He desires to be a good man, husband, and father. The importance of fatherhood is one of his pet study topics. He's helpful around the house, generous and giving, looks out for my needs. He's the perfect husband.

Except that he has never, will never desire me.

I knew he was bisexual. I've seen his eyes get stuck on the giant Victoria's Secret ads, so I know he can be attracted to women.

And yet, I spent my wedding night in tears. And almost every day on my honeymoon. And so, so many nights since that first night ten years ago.

His disinterest is obvious. He won't talk about sex, gets mad if I try to talk about sex, won't do anything but missionary, won't finger me or give oral, no passion, lights off-eyes closed, no-talking, don't be too loud, no pics, sex is an uncomfortable biological function.

Except that his Facebook reels tell the truth: he wants sex, just with bodybuilder men, not me.

And I so, so desperately want to be desired. Want dirty-talking, send-nudes, can't wait to rip your clothes off, hot and dirty sex.

And I will never have it. I'm a very sexually-minded 31 year old woman, and I have never had a passionate sexual encounter. And I never will. And that it devastating.

But he's the perfect husband otherwise. How can I complain he's not enough?

If he would just once growl at me to get my panties out of the way so he can f#^ me, I think I could be okay. But my romance novels are the closest I get to foreplay.

Do you know how long it took before I figured out what my body felt like truly turned on? Way, way too long, given I'm a married woman about to have 5 kids.

I'm just so, so sad that this entire aspect of me is wasted. Unwanted. Rejected.

By the perfect husband.