Supriseimgay wrote:

Well, I’m new here after 22 years of marriage my husband said one night and I quote you know I’m gay, right?
I want to say I had no clue, but there was a couple of things during our marriage that made me question, but I never sincerely thought that he was. Now that he’s in middle age he’s decided that he wants to finish his life living the life that he missed out on and asked for a divorce.
To say I’m broken is putting it mildly. This only happened a couple months ago and we are in the middle of a divorce now but I’m stuck in the same house with him until the finances can be worked out and it’s really odd because it feels normal. He comes home we talk about our day, he goes golfing talks about his score etc. But he’s lied about it but tried to hook up with two different people and hasn’t worked out yet but it will. I don’t understand why he has to tell me these things but it’s like he’s so giddy. He can’t help sharing his happiness and it’s like so in your face to me. He says things to me like I wanna hold somebody’s hand just not yours! That was something that was really important in my life that he would never do. He could not or would not show affection or simply hold my hand.
I don’t sleep I don’t eat I take medication for depression and hes trying to start dating! Meanwhile, I cried and have cried every day for 76 days. Does this ever stop? Do you ever get over it?

I am sorry to have to say welcome to the club no one wants to belong too.

My former spouse also pulled all that crap. He was incredibly cruel. Married for 20 years when he announced "I'm gay, I'm divorcing you". I was completely blind sided.

He also saw the need to tell me how unattractive he found me, how he hadn't been attracted to me in a long time, that he couldn't wait to sleep with other people, that he wanted to actually experience love and a real relationship....and then he got mad at me for breaking down. Because he "didn't mean it in a bad way, it had nothing to do with me". 

It took 6 months of breathing, blinking, and not knowing what my name was to sort of come up for air. Then I'm pretty sure I cried for 6 months. He has found the need to tell me multiple times how happy he is now, and how he got everything he ever wanted....while I'm still staring at the tiny fragments of my life scattered about in the wind. He is doing his best to bankrupt me in the divorce process and I am working 4 jobs to pay the bills.

I did have some questions about the marriage. And I tried to work together to deal with all the unraveling of the marriage....but he just chose to completely ignore me. His plan seems to be to never acknowledge my presence again, unless it is to abuse me and spew all his hate at.

I am still in the weird grey area where I am seeing just how much he destroyed me as a person, and struggling through that process, but having small glimpses of the opportunities I now have in life. It's a messed up place to be....but it's still better than dealing with him.

"...How can they treat their wives that they've been married to for decades so callously?  .."


Daryl and Abby summed it up well.   

I learned I did nothing so wrong that warranted the treatment.  I learned I did not want such a hurtful and abusive person in my life.