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January 19, 2024 6:20 am  #1

Can it work?

My husband came out as Trans to me a week ago. We have been together for 6 years and just had a baby 6 weeks ago. He wants to stay together. We are in a very committed, loving relationship. Things have been hard at times, but we were in the best place we had ever been. This is why he told me. To be honest, I don’t know that I want to be married to a woman. It’s making me question everything now. He is sticking with he/him pronouns and is going to start cross dressing soon. I love him and can’t imagine a life without him. I really don’t know what to do. I’m not attracted to women and I’m so scared of what this means for us. My mind is constantly racing. If this doesn’t work, what does this mean for me and my son? Where will we go? What will we do? I feel so lost and confused. I feel like I gave everything to him and now it feels like everything we built together is being ripped away. Can this work? I want to make it work, but I’m so scared it won’t and I have no idea how to make it work.


January 19, 2024 10:01 am  #2

Re: Can it work?

Welcome to this board and the club that none of us wanted to join. I cannot tell you if this will work. My situation is that as we were approaching retirement my husband decided to come out of the closet, told me that he was gay, and wanted a divorce. Our children were adults. I concluded I did not want to bargain to try to change his mind and we divorced.

There are women here who are, or have been, in your situation and they likely will respond later. The one piece of advice I can offer is to know what your rights will be if you decide that this is not for you and you want a divorce. You are married and he has obligations to you and his child, Knowing the law and how it works is empowering.

Think about your personal resources too. Do you have friends or family who will be supportive if you decide to leave? Do you have the ability to get a therapist for yourself if you think that would help you work your way through what this change means for you and what your needs are?.
Breathe. You are at the beginning of a journey..

Last edited by Abby (January 19, 2024 10:03 am)

Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.

March 9, 2024 4:26 pm  #3

Re: Can it work?

Hi there,
just wanted to say this is pretty much exactly what I am going through and feel exactly how you described. I feel like I keep having these swirling thoughts and worries and never make any progress with them. The thought of leaving seems unbearable but so does the thought of staying. Its still so hard to even believe its happening let alone know what to do about it. 


March 11, 2024 8:09 am  #4

Re: Can it work?

I’m also in the same boat. My husband let me know three months ago that he was questioning his gender. We’ve been together almost 19 years and have two teenage kids. At first he said that he just wanted to be a little bit more feminine, and in the last three months has started to experiment with make up,clothing, etc. I want him to be happy but it’s also been a daily struggle for me. We’ve decided that he’s going to move out for six months to explore what this really means and how far he wants to take it. Everything is so up in the air with no clear answers of what is going to happen , which leaves me feeling so anxious every day. We are going to tell our kids next week and the thought of that is almost too overwhelming.


March 13, 2024 3:44 pm  #5

Re: Can it work?

I'm so sorry this is all happening to you.  I remember the early days after D-day so well; it felt like someone else had grabbed the steering wheel of a car I should have been allowed to drive.  


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