We had "relations" for the first time in 11 months a few weeks ago. It felt "familiar" but at the same time bothered me for some reason.. but almost immediately I regretted it. And I realized it was the last time.  it makes me sad. But the man I married over 20 yrs ago is gone. I might as well be a widow. Just yesterday I finally took off my cherished expensive  10 yr anniversary wedding band. That was for a marriage to a man. A man's man. Tools, trucks, dirty jeans. Oh those things are still around. But more of this person's time is spent buying women's clothing of mostly the fetish variety and I have to worry constantly that he will leave his "office" door open and someone will wander in, or leave the curtain open and someone will see in at night. I can't leave. I have some money but a recent setback has put me in a wheelchair 90% of the time. So, this is half my home and I will stay. But he/they/she? sigh is not my husband. He's not who I made the commitment to. So the best I can do to be kind and charitable is that he is my roommate and my friend.. Bizarrely to me, I feel better without my ring on. Like I was living a lie. And yes, the piece of paper still applies for the moment. I want that financial security. I deserve it. But the heart and soul commitment is gone. I've been crying several times a day for months. I think I've been mourning my marriage and my husband. But in the last few days I've tried to just let it go and live each day. Best I can do. Happy Holidays.

Hey all. Things are more peaceful here. We are companions and life partners and as long as we don't try to get physical I'm actually pretty ok here. We had some really honest talks and he says that it was like he needed to really dig into it all to find out it's not as important as he thought. I think redoing his office to have a large closet for her had helped. He can see his stuff right out in the open but it's not a room I really go in. It's been a really hard 4 yrs. But we've found a new normal that might just work.  My health has taken a turn for the worse so I'm grateful to have his help and his depression is worse so, ditto. I'm the brains and he's the brawn in daily life. We have hired a cleaning person and that helps a lot. I'd say that we are past the painful parts. Sure it's a little lonely without physical intimacy but realistically that's not out there for either of us anyway. So we've become comfortable with sitting together watching tv and such.  It's never been my dream marriage but it's what we have. More than roommates, less than lovers. Not sure many marriages of those in their late 60s/early 70s is much different. I'm calling the crisis over. Hope all find their way, whether it is leaving or staying, do what is right for you.

Hi Grace, this will either be triggering or helpful for you - and I appologize if it's the former...
Recently, I found this couple on YouTube, where the husband came out as trans after 17 years of marriage and 3 kids. The wife fully embraced him, and they continue to be married. I mean, the wife is an angel, really, I wish I had this sort of strength and love in me. This is not my story and, but I find them incredibly inspirational as I try to accept my same sex attracted husband. I don't think you need to be like them, but maybe it will normalize the situation for you a little bit and make it more bearable if not enjoyable... You can click on any of their videos, but "Why We Left the Mormon Church: A Coming out Story" is probably the most telling one.
Good luck and stay strong!
https://youtube.com/@GreatScotts?si=sMGp3GOcrwbedojN