Bertuccio:
I honestly don't know what to say in response to your remarkable post other than: WOW! You've made such a profound statement, my friend. I, too, have begun to think as you've written, but then I'm left with: what next? I have a family, a home, a life that WE have created together over the course of decades. My wife's family is MY family, too. How could I possibly walk away, however she may really feel about me, deep down? My faith teaches me that "love endures all things." That has fueled my efforts to save our marriage, even after all of the HARD days, especially recently. The fatigue is there, though, and the acknowledgement of what you've written within my own heart. God bless you for being able to articulate what so many of us have struggled to express.

Bertuccio wrote:

 She must have hated her life enough to give up 100% or her husband, her house, and 50% of our 4 children's lifes.

Again, how incredibly profound. This helps me with empathy, actually. To simply walk away from all of those things, she must have been (must be absolutely miserable) 

Thanks again, these words matter and help.
 

MJM wrote "My GIDXH was looking for a sugar daddy or mommy, whoever he could completely fool first. Accepting that was difficult but was a big step on the road to healing."

yes exactly.  That's why I speak up about how selfish these people are - there isn't a lot of point in trying to heal without getting to the truth of the matter first.  I guess the obvious analogy is a wound - first you clean it out, as painlessly as possible for sure, but still you do have to get any foreign matter out before putting the bandaid on.  

It wasn't comfortable, more like frightening and utterly miserable to realise how badly I'd been gaslighted.  

I was his meal ticket right from the start and he was pouty about his own choice, it was nothing to do with me, he wanted a man.  All his own fault and then he took it out on me.  He hasn't seen me in years and he still does.

He can still get to me by gaslighting me to my friends.  Recognising that is happening and what it does protects me from hurt.

 

Last edited by lily (October 1, 2022 4:15 pm)

ricket wrote:

Bertuccio wrote:

You want someone who loves you.
 

This line says it all. 

Ricket,

I read your story.    I think the advice I cab give to get through this is to:

- build a support system..friends, family, lawyer, priest, therapist..

- likewise if you need to function  antidepressants have no shame.

- you need to be very stoic resolve..make no rash decisions..there is mo time line..baby steps

lily, all of your comments check out. groomed to keep their secrets, hide in their closet, and all the rest. this point alone is one of the worst in my books. when this all eventually "goes down", this guy is done with the secrets. i know it's "proper etiquette" to not "out" people, but honestly at this point i don't care. this person has already stolen so much from me. and already has expressed "improper etiquette" in spades. i refuse to have this over my head a moment longer. it's destroying me. how dare they demand i keep their secret. once i'm not married, secret-keeping-time is over, sorry (not sorry). 

another check on the panic attacks. never had one before in my life. at one point even wondered if such a thing even existed. but boy howdy does it. 

thief is the right word. as a friend said: "the worst kind of liar! a thief!". manipulative to the extreme. i never really saw this coming. especially not the manipulations, gaslighting, excuses, denials, and this fake world they live in. the gay part i could maybe live with. the rest i cannot, no way. 

Last edited by ricket (March 8, 2024 10:38 pm)