Traits of a straight spouse do explain a lot.

Fortitude gives the strength to stay and to leave.

Compassion gives the ability to love others and oneself. It is our nature to love others deeply and we thrive on it.

Honesty is highly valued and creates the only real and acceptable dynamics in a marriage that is worth keeping.

The fundamental belief in family makes us more tolerant than we'd ever expect as we unknowingly support a spouse in angst. We didn't know that the spouse is sociopathic liar.

Sincerity is one of our best traits that make us indignant about what was hidden alll along. It help us move on, but it can prevent us from ever trusting someone else's sincerity. We would never dream of doing to someone what was so calculatedly done to us because we are sincere.

Devotion to our family is what kept us committed to a difficult spouse despite his/her odd behavior that we didn't understand. Devotion made us seek help and want to nurture our marital relationship. Devotion to truth and to values help us stay but also gives us the wings to fly away from the con.

Sacrifice is what we do. Period. It's a reflex. We put others before ourselves.

Maturity keeps us moving to the next responsibilty, often independently whether it was to do the next thing, to smooth things over, or to pick up the slack. We stay focused and take action despite our unmet needs. This is done without allowing ourselves to trust that nagging feeling that something is really wrong. We react on facts and responsibilities - not on our feelings. Besides, we trust our spouse would never blatantly lie to us even though things sometimes don't add up.

Sensitivity is why we are so devastated. It''s why we sensed "it" but didn't allow the world we love so much, (our family) to crash. We protected our sensitivities with denial. Sensitivity after divorce makes us never want to try a new relationship. How can you tell it's not another imposter?

To Straight Spouses: Eventually be who you are with all your wonderful traits! Not everyone is emotionally dangerous. Trust your gut this time! Find happiness! You deserve it! You're great!