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1 of 1- Norah
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Hoovering
It’s been 3 yrs since the final and last break up. In 2023, ex MTF has sent me three e-mails. Don’t know how the recent one went through, I thought I blocked it. He thinks he’s so crafty using different e-mails. Stated had recent eye surgery finally after recovering from a prior detached retina. Had 2 pics of himself, one after the surgery, and the other a wide smiling pic wearing the make up, jewelry and has on a cami and wide open blazer showing off his upper chest with two tattoos. Looks happy.
Beats me why ex needs to inform me about his health issues, surgeries and what he’s doing? I really don’t care. Still not going to respond. I discuss this puzzle with a close neighbor about the e-mail and her response is that he must have really loved me at one time. That made me mad and I informed her that he was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, I don’t think he loved me. Even friends don’t treat friends so deplorably.
Every time I think I am at a momentum of moving on, I seemed to still get triggered by his attempts at contacting me. I think this must be a game for ex to lure me into his web. I fell for that trick a couple of times and ex proved he just can’t be a decent friend. Isn’t he content living in his special community and living with his special partner? I still have feelings of disdain for ex. EX is like a cockroach.
Really I appreciate getting this off my chest.
Does anyone else have any problems with an ex hoovering?
- Rob
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Re: Hoovering
Happy holidays Norah,
No my ex doesn't hoover anymore..I think we are both enjoying no contact.
Your friends statensnr and view point is what a normal breakup is probably like. But there is nothing normal about our breakups.
I think they loved us in their own way at one point..certainly not at as honestly like us. Regardless there is no excuse for the way you and I were treated... the abuse was uncalled for .. why be so mean..like what was the purpose.
Contact now simply means they haven't learned how divorce works and still want some benefit of marriage or friendship from us.
They have forfeited that. The hurt they bring is just not worth it..this they made unforgettable.
We would have supported their health issues with our insane loyalty till death if they they didnt forfeit and reject it.
Reblock and try not to lookat any pics. No contact for safety both physical and mental.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Blackie563
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Re: Hoovering
Agree with Rob. I am only 1.4 years out and my ex to this day, still lashes out like a child and tries to get my attention. (We have low contact because we have 3 kids together). I only respond with what is absolutely required. She had tried "I just want to talk, not fight, just talk", BS line and others. I simply ignore those parts of the message or do not respond. She seems to get it at times, other times, not so much.
Rob is right, keep your distance and your peace. My ex was emotionally abusive for years and would do so again if I gave her even the slightest opening. I believer its because she hates herself. I was the only person in her life that was willing to look past that and did so for 24 years. No more.
Good luck, stay strong! Life is much better without these types of toxic people in your life.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Hoovering
Norah wrote:
.....
Does anyone else have any problems with an ex hoovering?
The fact that you use the word "hoovering" and that you read his emails says to me the man who upended your life still knows how to push your buttons lol
He probably thinks, because there was a time when life was normal, you were unaware of who he really was and it was better between you that you're somebody he can 'tell things to'. The only way to stop this is to disengage. Your heart has to harden , your mindset has to change so he no longer gets to live in your head.
Next communication, next chatty email or photo he sends.... Delete immediately, know why he's sending it
...to keep you enthralled in his life (are you enthralled in his life? Of course you're not!)
It may take a while but eventually your mind will be an oasis of calm when you think of him because you are no longer keeping a space for him in your head
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Norah
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Re: Hoovering
Rob, Blackie, Elle,
Thanks for your support and allowing me to ventilate in this safe and understanding setting of peers that have walked in similar paths. Although I’ve made strides of progress, there are a few instances of triggers. I do realize that he absolutely knows how to push my buttons. I’ll continue to stay strong, no contact, reblocked his secondary e-mail. And will not be tempted to open up any e-mails or VM that are in the trash/junk folders.
I know the POS that he was and is. Grateful that he moved to another city but cautious of my surroundings. Yes, he was the type of person that you open the door 1/8 inch and he’d be in control of your life. Elle, I’m looking forward to the ‘oasis of calm’ of my mind.
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