In terms of black and white - let's not forget that shades of grey are all made up of black and white.  Let's not forget our brains are made in two hemispheres that would literally fall apart if our skull didn't keep them along side each other - they are only attached at the brain stem.

And let's not forget that miracle of modern science the computer was originally based on binary - yes or no, 1 or 0.  Just because a program does complex things it's still a lot of ones and zeros.  Don't know if it is still like that, I am old enough to remember the rooms full of punch cards.  1 or 0.

Who invented it - we did, with our binary brains.

Put enough ones and zeros together in one program and it will be a complex and unique shade of grey.

As I understand it, there's some solid science to suggest that at inception the embryo is a unique creation that comes exactly half half from the parents - the sperm and the egg are different sizes the roles of parenthood are very different but there is equality in supply of genetic material.

Fascinates me, that, there's something rather beautiful in my imagination of how it takes place - one gene then the other like a dance unfolding.  And there it is, shade of grey no. x zillion.  Is it a he or a she?

The sense I make of it all is that orientation is going to be a basic building block in the formation of that embryo.  

And like the poets have said sexual attraction is magnetic. it's one or the other, put the ends together and it's stick together or pushed away.

My experience bears this out - the way my mother put it is he will neither accept you nor let you go.  And I was so grateful to her for putting it into words - that underlying sense that he was pushing me away and his overt refusal to let me go.

So I think there's also science to show that what we experience in our lives changes us and that changes the genetic inheritance we give - if you develop antibodies to cope with an infection, it becomes part of what your next child could inherit from you.

In the same way I think living in the closet develops a genetic inheritance - just like caring about cows, or my chickens who are a happy bunch and I am sad along with them because our much loved companion Halfbeak has died, I've just buried her in the compost.  Or there's growing potatoes.  I dunno, I think there's a lot of stuff we know what to do, it is inherited behaviour.

I will add it seems to me there is a time and a season - when I was in my 30s and 40s I spent a lot of time thinking about the effects of my upbringing but much less so now.  The horrible thing is looking back I can see how easy it was for my ex to make me think everything was my fault because I felt sensitive over my difficult father.







 

Last edited by lily (October 9, 2023 12:53 am)

LonelyDude wrote:

@Anon: From a straight male perspective, I can absolutely see a certain amount of mystery and challenge that would attract a straight man to a bisexual female. Perhaps it is the drive to demonstrate our masculinity and prove that we are the superior lovers, maybe the hope of being so manly to "turn her straight", or perhaps it is the hope for a FFM threesome... could be many things. Just postulating. I can sympathize with a man that had these thoughts, only to discover that they were false hopes.

 

Yah...you are speaking as a straight male attracted to a female (whether she is straight or bi). You also make the comment about how (as a straight male) you can see how a woman would be attracted to lesbian porn. Because you are attracted to women. I am tired of men going on and on about how women attracted to women is just this normal thing all women do, and everyone is sexually fluid and whatever. 

If you are female and into lesbian porn, then you are not a straight female. I just don't understand why everyone is so adamant to change the definition of straight? Straight just means you are only attracted to the opposite sex. It's on one end of the spectrum. Gay/Lesbian is on the other end. And then there's the giant range in between. Just own what you are and embrace it. Be yourself. You don't have to put a label on it if you don't want to, but just be who you are.

If a man enjoyed watching gay porn but said he only wanted women, is this man straight?

Again, I have no desire to watch lesbian porn and won't. My straight female friends also have zero desire to. My bi female friends do watch it. To me, this is logical and makes sense. I have a wide friend group and work in the LGBTQ community on and off and the only people I have seen who argue or try to change the definition of straight are the ones who aren't being honest or who are trying to hide their orientation.

But, once again, this is my personal experience. The black and white to me is the straight and gay ends of the spectrum. And then all the shades of grey are the spectrum in between.

Personally, I don't care where you are on the spectrum and treat everyone the best I can. But when it comes to dating/marriage/romance I do expect my significant other to be honest about their sexuality and orientation. If you are bi, or like male on male whatever, just tell me. So that I can make my own decisions and have my own autonomy in the relationship.
 

Last edited by Anon2222 (October 9, 2023 10:19 am)

Yes I agree, Canary, the gay parent is modelling the closet for their child and even worse there are plenty of stories where it gets very toxic with the closeted parent being homophobic and repressive towards their gay child.  I can sort of see how that could happen.  But the thing I am also saying is that it is not just the modelling, that is the latest wrinkle on a genetically inherited behaviour.  I know from the stories here that my ex is not alone in valuing his closet above everything and everybody else - like a hermit crab with it's shell.

And the trickery - the fooling people gives him pleasure.  When I retreated from him and was no longer available to mess with he started entertaining himself by seeing how long he could string a telemarketer along - how long could he make them believe he might buy something before they hung up on him.  I found out about this because he boasted to me that he had kept one on the line for 45 minutes.  

To me what we are seeing now is akin to when the hermit crab outgrows his shell and must leave it and find a bigger one.  Getting the idea accepted that a bisexual can make a match with a straight is the Taj Mahal of shells.

Just to stick my hand up here, I need a straight man and not just anyone, my one and only.  My emotions are set that way - born to look for the someone who feels the same about me, who can love me back.  My life was collateral damage for my ex's miserable comfort.

 

Last edited by lily (October 9, 2023 4:31 pm)

Steve wrote "So if I watch an orgy in porn I’ve actually been in an orgy?

Interesting

Unfortunately if a straight woman on here admitted she had an occasional lesbian fantasy she’d be told she wasn’t straight. I know how it works.

It entirely depends on what you believe it means to be ‘straight’. If being ‘straight’ means that a bisexual or lesbian thought has never dared enter your head then yes... you are correct. That’s how ‘straight’ women think."


I agree with you Steve 💯 percent. I am a straight woman.i have no attraction in "real life" to women. Do i think she's pretty yes but i don't want an emotional, romantic, or sexual relationship with her "in real life" do i watch lesbian porn? Hell yes i do. I'm 37 and i watch both lesbian and straight porn. I've only been in relationships with men and i only ever want to be in a relationship with a man. I am not attracted to women other than fantasy. I've had many opportunities to mess around with women even when under the influence and i haven't. I agree that a fantasy is just that a fantasy. I don't know how men work in that regards but everyone on here says if a man watches gay porn he's not straight. I don't know how men and women are different that way and if a man watches gay porn it seems to be a pattern that they are gay in denial. Idk but i do know what i am and that's straight. I even have tried to imagine myself in a relationship with a woman and i can't. Its just not for me.. so am i bi lol i don't think so and I'm saying I'm not.

Thanks 4 your perspective Steve. Its appreciated!


Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see.

Last edited by Shh0406 (December 22, 2023 8:00 am)