Hello everyone.

I am one month out of my 18 year marriage to my still lesbian-in-denial wife. I am very glad I made the decision to leave.

I just thought I would share some feelings.

I understand that for many straight spouses, discovering TGT can come as a great shock. In these cases, I can see how forming new relationships after splitting could be particularly difficult, with a lot of time needed to get to a good place.

My position is different in that I would say I buried my suspicions for a long time, endured a dead bedroom for years, and so I don't feel any great loss of a romantic breakup. Like, you know the way you feel when you are in love and you get dumped? I don't really have that for my relationship. I went through a grief process three months ago and that was about ending the marriage - and disappointment that my wife did not have the courage to come out. But I did not feel very much sense of romantic loss. In fact, I so much wanted to hear her tell me she was gay. Thar would have made breaking up easier.

Now when I tell aquaintenances / neighbours /co-workers about my situation and they say "oh, I'm sorry" I feel I'm biting my tongue to stop myself saying "hey, it's fine! My wife was gay! It's not my fault." [The fact that practically none of my friends has expressed the slightest shock or disappointment to hear my news is also, to me, very telling. And they don't even know she's gay! lol]

I feel like I am 100% ready for a new relationship and feel like a teenager waiting for their first kiss. It's like all my patience has run out.

I also want to tell someone how proud I am of my decision making over the past year. Time and again I have made good decisions, including managing to avoid an affair that would probably have messed me up emotionally when what I needed was the clarity to end the marriage before embarking on the challenging world of being single.

 

Last edited by PJ (December 9, 2023 11:07 am)