This probably isn't a politically correct thing to say....but I wish my GID husband had died. 

My GX is alive and did not answer any questions. He was incredibly cruel, and continues to be. He destroyed me as a person and decimated my life. And, it looks like I'm going to be paying him in the divorce. So, I actually owe him money for abusing me and abandoning me.

Had he died, it would have been a hell of a lot less humiliating, demoralizing, and soul sucking. Plus, instead of him ruining me financially I would have gotten his life insurance. 

Also, pretty much everyone has sided with him in all of this because of the mass buzz of LQBTQ support. And I've been told to get over it because he's gay, so the marriage wasn't even real (sure thought it was real for the 20 years I was in it). At times I can't even talk about it because people judge me harshly (and I got called homophobic and not supportive of him living his authentic self).

At least a widow gets sympathy and food. And you can just say, he passed away, I'm a widow and people give murmurs of support and many don't press further. 100% wish he was dead.

well said, Anon!!! hugs.

Yes, it's good to be mad, Josephine.  Well done taking on the reality of it, it is painful but so worth it.

Canary2 wrote:

These guys are such cowards. I’m convinced they spend years incapable of leaving their spouses, and the whole time are stuffing assets and hiding them in preparation for leaving. My bf had ALL his assets stuffed away in real estate which amounted to over 4 million dollars in homes in the area. Rental properties which were run by gay property manager. One house was used as the hook up location with his male partner. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why he had all his money in real estate and virtually nothing in retirement accounts. When I looked up the addresses, only two were in his name. So I think he had them either through his brother or his male partner and did this in order to hide assets from his ex wife during the divorce.

Of course to me, he painted her as greedy, he was the victim. He made himself sound like the hero for having to give her their main house in the divorce. Talked to me all the time about his real estate. Now I know why he was so into real estate investing. I think one of their primary fears is financial ruin during the divorce, so I’m sure they spend years trying to prepare and hide assets.

 

I do have to say 
that my Husband was not in a place, mentally, where he could screw me financially but if he had been I don't know what he would have done.  I don't really think that was his goal but how do I know at this point?:  When you lie about the basics in life how do you ever know what they're true intentions were??  Did they set out to deceive you or is that the result??

Josephine,
I realize that you are bewildered as to when, why, how about your husband’s gay history, especially during your marriage.  Of course we want transparency and details so we can move on. Somehow we think they will tell us the whole truth.
Since your husband made this a secret and was great at covering his tracks, except after death, what makes you think he would have been open and honest with telling you these details when alive and certainly only when caught?
Did I benefit from my ex being alive. NO.  Even when caught, he would be very angry and defensive, and briefly explain with lies, white lies, or half truths.  When I knew the truth by looking at our phone records, I’d test him.  “have you had contact with Cindy?”  His answer was a flat out lie.   I am not sure if I was ever told the whole truth about anything.  I just accept the fact that there is more that I don’t know and will never know.  Now that ex is out of my life I don’t care.  I also accept the fact that he is disordered in many ways.
If I hadn’t done some checking and snooping when the subtle flags were starting to fly, I would have always been in the dark.
I sure wish my ex was gone for good.  Even though he did move away to a bigger city, he still manages to try to contact me through various ways although I have No Contact in place.  It borders hovering to stalking under the guise of ex wanting to be friends, you know this 20 yr history and thinking I’d care. Not.  I am aware of my surroundings and heaven forbid when Pride in the Park or the Drag Queen Performance is in my town, I am extra wary of him wanting to stop by.
At the beginning he offered that  he was honest, loyal as a blue tick hound, would never cheat on me, he never cheated on his past two wives (both cheated on him?, odd) and believed in monogamy.  It’s a far cry from the other persona.
The only time that I ‘found out’ about his ‘gayness’ at a young age, was when he had ‘his journey as a trans woman’ on a trans social media site.  Said he discovered that he was gay/different at age 6.  
 

I sometimes wonder if I will always be in the dark.  But I do thank the Lord that my body would not allow me to have sex with him.  I can't stress how much the Lord protected me in not letting me have sex with him!  I really don't know what he died from.  His death certificate lists so many causes of death that it is confusing!  I kind of want to add that his cause of death was deception!