I don't feel like it's Christmas without my kids.  For that very reason, my ex and I share the kids on that holiday - meaning we each have them for part of the day.  He gets them on Christmas Eve, overnight and through the morning.  He brings them back around 11 am, and they then spend time opening gifts at our house from me and my now husband.  Then we all get ready to do the big meal and family presents from extended family wherever that's held that year.  The kids love it.  Their dad loves it.  They get multiple holidays, really.  The never get bored anywhere - it's time to go move and open more presents as soon as they would have gotten to that point.  Dh and I get to celebrate Christmas Eve however we want (often my extended family goes to my sister's, where she hosts her dh's family.  That's the sister that just found out her ex has been living a double life and cheating on her with people of both sexes, so I'm not sure how this year's X-mas Eve will go down now).  Regardless, it still gives dh and I time to wrap presents before the kids get home - usually while watching a funny Christmas DVD together - like Nat'l Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.  Drink some spiked eggnog, get the living room full of wrapping paper, scraps and bows, get the stockings stuffed, and then sleep in a bit on Christmas morning, when we open our gifts to/from each other before the kids get home.

Do you have family in the area?  Or good friends to celebrate with?  I'd try to start a new tradition this year.  Talk to your dh about the holiday.  Tell him it wouldn't feel like Christmas without the kids, and you don't think that he'd want to give them up every-other-year, either.  He'll likely agree.  Then hammer something out.  If it works out well, you can put it into the custody agreement.

We swap the kids every-other-year for holidays.  If he had them last year for New Year's, I get them this year.  It's kind of nice, in a way; on the years that I have the kids (let's use NYE as an example), I plan a party - we talk about what kind of food we want to make, shop together, make it all evening, eat.  We get party plates and noisemakers and confetti cannons (little ones).  We get stupid hats and we light off firecrackers at midnight.  We all call family and wish them happy new year.  On the years we DON'T have the kids, we try to go out to a nice hotel party - all dressed up, just the two of us.  We make the most out of each situation - whether with the kids, or without.  We've even gone away over Thanksgiving when they kids have been gone.  Drive a few hours away and stay in a nice hotel and have Chinese for Thanksgiving dinner.  We love the holidays no matter how they wind up.  We make sure it's planned so that we relish the time vs. just miss the kids.

Best of luck

Kel

Rob - I think it depends on how fair the suggestions are. If you give in to unfair demands, just to keep the peace, you will have set a dangerous precedent for future years. You are just as deserving of your time with your children as she is. I think the adjustments should be if it's in the kids best interests. Example - they could only see certain extended family members at a time that wouldn't work with the schedule - then do a fair for fair swap. It would be nice to make everyone happy and still be fair but I'm not sure your situation makes that very likely.

Last edited by Daryl (November 16, 2016 11:57 pm)