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October 13, 2023 11:24 pm  #1

Norah’s Update 2019 to present

My last posting was Sept 2019- Eyes Wide Open & Trying to Move On.  It’s too exhausting to rehash details from the beginning.  I first met him in 1999.  Lived together 2000-2017.  Broke up and reeled back twice.
In 2019 I was lured back due to his manipulative web & lovebombing tactics.  Since 2020 I’ve gone No Contact. For the last 3 years he has made numerous & some ingenious ways to contact me.  I have had such intense anger that I started to write everything in a journal since 2016.  Now I don’t need to write in the journal.  Occasionally I still have triggers.  I took a PT job, after retiring, for 2 years to keep busy and my mind off of the trauma.  I am not dating. I’m guarded due to the abuse, lies and betrayals and secrets.
Life was fractured in 2016 when he hinted that he was feminine, I thought nothing of it until I  found a hidden stash of women’s lingerie and numerous hidden sex toys.  By 2017 he vacillated to gay, then announced he was trans femme and would transition.  I kicked him out in 2017 due to intense rages & abusive behavior.  
2018 he started to transition with hormones.  Everything went warp speed ahead. Got rid of all his ‘boy’ clothes. Entirely wore women’s clothes, always a full make up face, glittery earrings, necklace and bracelets every day. Developed breasts. Lost muscle mass of chest, arms/shoulders. Entire body was soft and smooth shaven. Abdomen & hips widened.  I felt sad when I touched his flabby arm when it used to be toned as well as the other physical changes.
Mind and personality changed as if he was not the same person.  When he announced with glee that he was going through puberty again, he acted like a crazed teenager.  Suddenly he was interested in sex after over a decade of no intimacy between us,  But he was secretly on a dating site, seeking transgenders and reading a book on the Ethical Slut.  He was well aware of PrEP and poppers. In the beginning of our relationship, he believed in monogamy.  Now he believed in being pansexual and BDSM.  And I was vanilla and good for me believing in monogamy as if that was a fault.  
Although I wanted a platonic friendship, he eventually made it sexual.  It was a role playing performances of wearing his lingerie, sloppy long kisses, and his constant verbiage of being the Queen, being a slut etc  it was exhausting and unfulfilling for me.  He played submissive and imagined being penetrated .  In time it wasn’t PIV anymore, said I’d have to get a dildo.  His turn on was wearing his lingerie, uttering his words, nipples tweaked, anal, and self gratification.  Without that, he couldn’t perform, even with Viagra.  I failed him by not wanting to wear a strap on, didnt use his toys correctly on him and suddenly didn’t do oral correctly.  Said I should ask his lesbian friend how to do it.  
The whole experience felt humiliating.  Eventually the estrogen did affect his performance and he wanted to do these long kisses and touches.  By this time I just couldn’t do this charade anymore.  He did ask me in 2020 for my permission if he could hook up with his lesbian friend (born female) for a friends with benefits relationship.  I said he can go ahead.  I was so relieved.  
He was militant about his name and pronouns.  His mother was in her 90’s and really tried to address him by the new name and the new pronouns. He would purposely listen in to our conversations from a distance and if she would slip up, he’d loudly pipe up and correct her in a humiliating way.  In 2020, the mother had a FB post about loving her daughter, who happened to be his sister.  He was irate that his mother did not mention him as a daughter, called up his mom and chewed her out, hung up on her, blocked her on FB, via phone and email.  Mom was devastated and confused.  His sister and I tried to pursade him to make amends with the mom.  He was adamant.  Consequently she died a week later from a ruptured blood vessel.  
Once I became just a friend and no longer intimate, he still wanted to be friends.  We went shopping, out to eat, he’d cook, go for bike rides and walking.  For 3 yrs I went to his medical appointments.  He said that he feels safe in public being with me because I am a woman.  Also his new FWB lived in the Metro. Eventually the mask slipped and he became verbally and emotionally abusive to me.  I Went No Contact in 2020.  But he has hovered by ringing my doorbell, which I didn’t answer, mail a card or letter wanting ‘to talk’ , ‘to be friends’, sending an email with a different email address, as well as blocked emails and VM’s that shows up in the blocked or junk section.  During the summer he would stop by if he saw that I was outdoors in my yard, talk about himself and ask if we could be friends and I would say No, and ignore him.  Then I would say I have to go and leave.   He only lived a mile from me and seemed to be riding his bike or driving on my street. All of this triggered me.
2022 he moved to the Metro and moved in with his FWB friend.
it’s  now 2023, I have received one blocked VM that was innocuous and irrelevant.  Also a new email with a different email address about him making tomato sauce with pics.  I haven’t responded to anything. 
I guess he has had an orchiectomy.
 I still can’t believe that he is now a trans person.  No inking and a secret for 17 years in our relationship.  He is not the person that I thought he was in 1999.  
Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine my life would be tangled.  He was indeed a Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde.  



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