Thank you for your reply. I am indeed wondering if my husband is transgender. He is telling me that he finds me so attractive that he sometimes wants to be me. When we had sex over the past year he used to say 'you are mine' 'look at you' - I am now realising it is like he was pretending to be me! Ugh. With his hook up's he likes to be the 'female' role, submissive to the male. So maybe he really wants to be a woman. Either way I am 100% heterosexual and not attracted to women in any way. I am so betrayed by all the lies and his betrayal I just need to find my way out of it all. 

Thank you again. In 2016 - I (stupidly) arranged for him to go for his own individual therapy - when he thought he was bisexual. I recall now (stupidly) that he (a) started shaving his body hair & (b) once the therapy hit on any emotion, he ran for the hills. I have recently found photos on a hidden folder on his phone of pictures of 'beautiful women', my underwear and photos of me zoomed in to show my legs/breasts etc...I am now looking back on the marriage - I was just a 'perfect' front really. Pretty/giving him the 'outside' life he wanted to look like the wonderful man everyone knows he is - but now I am sitting here thinking does he really want to be a woman! He is certainly having a complete breakdown emotionally at the moment - like a wounded animal looking to be saved - telling me he loves me etc... - yet I am the one trying to keep my head above water for the kids sake. I am not sure of your own story Ordinary Guy - but is this a familiar script? 
 

Butterfly49 wrote:

Thank you again. In 2016 - I (stupidly) arranged for him to go for his own individual therapy - when he thought he was bisexual. I recall now (stupidly) that he (a) started shaving his body hair & (b) once the therapy hit on any emotion, he ran for the hills. I have recently found photos on a hidden folder on his phone of pictures of 'beautiful women', my underwear and photos of me zoomed in to show my legs/breasts etc...I am now looking back on the marriage - I was just a 'perfect' front really. Pretty/giving him the 'outside' life he wanted to look like the wonderful man everyone knows he is - but now I am sitting here thinking does he really want to be a woman! He is certainly having a complete breakdown emotionally at the moment - like a wounded animal looking to be saved - telling me he loves me etc... - yet I am the one trying to keep my head above water for the kids sake. I am not sure of your own story Ordinary Guy - but is this a familiar script? 
 

 
Hi Butterfly, Is it a familiar script? No, these things a not really scripted. It is more like a familiar tune that I have heard a few times. This need he has in him will not go away. If he can accept it and limit it to dressing and behaving in certain ways, then full and often partial transition is not necessarily a given. Trans widows are very much the overlooked collateral damage in this process. Experiencing nothing but turmoil without much, or any direct support. Most of what you have divulged indicates that there is a strong level of female ideation in your husband. The rejection of homosexual labelling is also indicative. The sexual need being one revolving around themselves as a woman in relation to a man. Sexual gratification coming from the notion rather than just the act. Having children further complicates the situation, as these become your primary concern going forwards. The first thing to know is the truth about what is going on. He needs to see someone who can get him to understand who and what he is. From that point you can make informed decisions. There was nothing stupid about arranging therapy for your husband. It sounds as though the therapist may have not understood what was going on, possibly due to the inner shame your husband has about it. It is a terrible and very much misunderstood trauma for the wife to go through. You will need your own separate support structure to help you through this. Be well Butterfly.