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October 2, 2023 9:00 am  #1

My Closeted Wife and my Broken heart

My wife of 24 years is closeted to everyone but me AFAIK.
I know she is lesbian or at least Bi because she has told me she has fantasies and fleeting thoughts of being with a woman.
Not a 3 way, just herself with a woman.
She watches alot of lesbian porn.
She has told me she sees herself as being with a woman when I am not around any more, meaning after I die and I am only 53.
When I asked if she needed to be with a woman she said "No not right now".
She says over and over again that she loves only me and is not looking for anyone else.
In the reading on the subject, I think what will happen is one day she will fall in love with a woman.
She will not be looking for that woman but it will just happen.
​That will be the end of our marriage. 
I have been dealing with this for 3 years now and I am so tired.
I just want her to get on with it and then let me go.
3 years ago she massively betrayed my trust by doing something that I forbade her to do that could have completely ruined my business which would have impacted myself, my business partner, herself , and my employees.
I had asked her for a divorce.
After 2 months we had reconciled and gotten back together.
Yesterday she told me that me asking for a divorce is what pushed her to becoming Bi/lesbian.
I am so distraught I have thoughts of killing myself.
This is who I thought was my best friend for the last 25 years.
I found this article that gave me some insight
I feel as though I am just her cocoon while she turns into a butterfly and leaves me behind.
She also got mad and said "am I not worth it to spend another few years with" while she figures it out?
I dont have it in me to support her in trashing who I am and what I mean to myself.

I need advise.
It will be like a hammer over my head for the rest of our relationship if we stay together always wondering when she will fall in love with the "one". I had always thought that was me.
It appears that women who have on some level an attraction to other women, and not even in a sexual way like oh isnt she pretty, have a 70% rate of change from being hetero to bi/lesbian over the age of 30.

So is my wife part of the 70% or of the 30%?
If she is of the 30%, how is my heart ever to withstand that always lurking destruction.
I call it destruction because it would destroy myself and our relationship on so many levels like it already has.

Sorry for the long post, just lost and not coping. 

Last edited by clueless70 (October 2, 2023 9:07 am)


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