I wrote a while ago and everyone's comments helped me understand things. This is my story for now:
I spoke to my husband, I told him that I knew he was gay and all my conclusions... The first one denied it. But then he told me that he had ever thought about it. I offered him my help if he needed it, I tried to make him understand that we can't live like this. I also told him that I wanted to separate and that we each make our lives. He also told me that he would help me, that we would find a flat for me and our son and that he would help me with everything...
We've been talking about this for 2 months, and at the moment everything is the same. He acts as if he hadn't said anything and continues with his normal life. He doesn't let me talk about it anymore either.
And on top of that, last Sunday he told me that he was going to work and would return in 30 minutes. He arrived 3 hours later, closed himself in the bathroom and came out changed clothes. When I saw his pants they were full of semen stains!!! I looked in his mobile browser and saw that he had been in a forest in our city where gay boys go to have sex (cruising)... He denied it, but I'm sure he did it!!
I don't understand anything, if I make it easy for them to get divorced and each make their own life, why do they do this???
I don't know how to proceed, I wanted to do it right and get a good ending for our son, without anger, and have a little help, since I work but my salary is not very high. The house where we live is his, I don't have any house....
I am more lost than ever. When I spoke to him,I asked him if he had been with a man and he told me that never in his lige…another lie…

MireP....you have to take a step back, disassociate yourself from what and who your husband is and learn to concentrate on yourself and your child. If all your questions....the important ones....are answered with what you suspect is dishonesty then stop asking those questions and focus on the things that matter to your future.

Do you have support....family, friends...?

Elle

 

These are all good answers to give you the strength not to settle. I'm sorry if this sounds brutal - Consider how you would like to live from now until leaving this earth. Please don't spend too much time trying to find the truth that he's gay. Focus on your neglected needs and your God-given intuition telling you something is wrong. 

MireP, I am sorry to hear about your husband. I think I am in the same boat with you, except my husband doesn’t have any trauma and I didn’t find his gay porn, he always cleared his browsing history, did your husband clear his too and how did you find out he watched gay porn? We also haven’t had sex in 4 years, he is not cheating (I haven’t found any evidence yet). I am in a loss and trying to find more evidence for myself to move on, any hints from you would be highly appreciated. I posted my story in a different post too. Thanks.

MireP wrote:

I don't know how to separate myself... ......Being completely unhappy and hating this person and not having the courage to finish? I don't know how to face this, when do you have enough strength to finish permanently?

 
I simply put one foot after the other, day by day... until I had a clearer view of what my future might look like. Often I was sure I would never extricate myself from r'ship that, even though it gave me everything i needed materialistically, was suffocating my sense of self.

I did try not to hate... because I knew hating would only stress me more. I imagined an emotionless wall between A and myself. Treated him like a housemate and carried on till the separation. One thing I did do was not talk to him about *the situation between us*. I never got mad, never started an argument or conversation about my unhappiness (and he never did either, that's how emotionless and unaware HE was of my unhappiness)

The day came when I just knew today (7th February 2023) was the day I had to ring a lawyer and do something at last.

Elle