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1 of 1- gwendolyn_C
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My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
Hello there. It's been some time since I have given an update. I am legally separated from my husband. I've completed our Marital Settlement Agreement and protected most of my assets. I gave him a more significant portion of the sale of our home to negotiate not touching my retirement plan. We both believe it was fair and helped reduce stress and tension. We have also decided to Co-parent our three children under the same roof until the youngest is 18 (12 more years). I should note that my GID husband and I have been living in separate areas of the house for over three years, AND he travels for months at a time for work.
I met with our Family Therapist last week, and she confirmed that we should tell our children that we are separated but will continue to Co-parent in the same household. My GID husband is against telling my children anything. I gave him reasons based on honesty about restructuring our relationship/Family. I understand that he may be grieving and partly in the denial phase. As my therapist pointed out, I'd been slowly grieving for years when he chose another lifestyle over being married to me. However, it doesn't stop me from doing what suits my children. He travels again in November. I have to use this time wisely so we can settle into our new normal. My therapist recommends telling the kids together is best, but I should tell the kids if my husband objects. She also suggested that we tell them sooner than later and give my husband a deadline. My GID husband said he wants to tell the kids next year. I plan to tell my children when I return from vacation next Friday. This way my husband is still around to answer any questions they may have. I have no plans to assign any blame but will fight for honesty and truth. Kids are very perceptive and deserve answers.
- Blackie563
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Re: My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
Good for you. You should tell them. I agree if you can do it together its best. I tried that, my narc ex wife went ahead and did it on her own without me, lord knows what she told them, I never asked. Mine kept saying it was "her story to tell" and even tried to stop me from telling my own mother. I told her she lost her fucking mind if she thought she could dictate to me, what I do and dont tell my own mom. Its your story, he put you in the middle of it and sounds to me like he does not want any responsibility for it. Familiar.
I am sorry you have to go through this, but do tell the kids in an appropriate way without assigning blame. They will do that on their own over time, they know more than you think....
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
I'm proud of you Gwendolyn 😊 for having the vision and strength to put you and your children before their father. As their grow they will learn to value your honesty. Your situation, which seems to be driven more by you (good on you!), can only improve I think as you and the children get used to it.
I don't know if A. would ever have sat our children down and told them about who he really is. He was of the opinion it was his business only.
Elle
KIA KAHA
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
Blackie - Thank you. My husband also doesn't want to tell anyone, but I told him yesterday that I plan to tell my close friends and family. We are co-parenting on my terms! I've done this his way for far too long! I prefer to have a conversation with the children first! I have also learned to tell my friends in doses! It can be overwhelming to have this conversation, mainly if you choose not to disclose the reasons for the separation/divorce. Protecting my mental peace is of utmost importance to me.
Elle - thank you! Yes, I feel like I have to be the Captain of this Ship. I have no plans to expose their Father. I made sure to tell him this several times. However, I'm no longer signing up to be his beard! We like and love each other! He's a great Father and an excellent cook, lol! He will have to deal with the outcome of his actions. I aim to treat him like I wanted to be treated (although he didn't do the same for me). I believe in the Law of Reaping/Sowing or Karma! It's not my job to get even! My job is to get out of harm's way!
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Thread Starter- walkbymyself
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Re: My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
I told my daughter. I'd told my husband that the ideal would be for him to tell her, but if he didn't do it by a certain date, I was going to do it. No room for arguments and second-guessing. She was 23 at the time, but I would have made this same decision no matter what her age was.
Also, in the interim I made sure to tell my family and close friends, because I wanted my daughter to be free from secrets, not burdened by them.
- Blue Bear
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Re: My GID Husband doesn't want to tell our children
If your husband didn't want to go through the yucky consequences associated with honesty, perhaps he could have made different life choices. The kids deserve the truth, and you shouldn't have to carry any guilt or blame for the demise of marriage.
It would be nice to tell the kids together, but there's literally nothing to prevent you from telling the kids now. For him to ask you to keep maintaining his comfy closet for him is yet another sign of his selfishness. My suggestion is to inform him that the doors are getting blown off his closet at a time certain (e.g., 7 PM on Wednesday), and it's his choice whether he wants to be there so he can stop preventing you from maintaining an honest relationship with the kids.
I'm sorry, but better days are ahead. I promise.