yes me too, Cameron, I've thought it through long and hard.  and I would like to discuss it too.

I won't beat about the bush so I hope no one is offended - this is too hard to talk about it's so complicated it's so emotional, and I just have to forget about being PC and say it as I see it.

A massive complex matrix of little switches, on or off.  switched on blue eyes, switched off, not blue eyes.

Just to make it even more complicated, there is some choice, there is change with time and circumstance in a person's life.  And a process of evolutionary change through the family generations.

When someone identifies as being bisexual, I believe them.  I believe it means they have one of the big switches, the one for same sex attraction on and lots of little ones around it switched the other way to support opposite sex attraction.

I have witnessed the ups and downs of a close friend.  One day he comes to visit and there are stars in his eyes as he talks about this girl he met.  He is convinced he could make a go of a relationship with her.  A little prodding elicits it comes on the back of falling in love like crazy for a man and being rejected.

and I just look at him.  finally he goes, oh, I know I'm gay.  and starts to heal up but we both know that for a while he was convinced he could make a go of it when actually he struggles to perform at all with a woman when it comes to it, and tends to not be able to do it at all.  no matter how much they love each other.

A bisexual who is sexually functional with a woman has I can see a lot of reason to believe he is equally attracted to both genders but it's not really like that, it isn't, I can only see that belief as a misconception.  As you put it, Cameron, and I can't put it better, "what leads us to romantic love is sexual desire.  One follows the other" and that can only happen for a bisexual man with a man not with a woman.  His ability to function sexually is not based in his love for the woman as it could be with a man.  so no romantic feelings are generated in him for the woman.

I feel so cheated by him, Cameron.  

thanks for asking.



 

Um, yes romantic hetero ideas in their heads that are caused by an attraction to a woman.  A love attraction but not sexual desire.  nonetheless it puts the idea in their heads.  I believe that is not due to external culture but innate.

yes, correct, I do believe bisexual is the way you're born and for a man it means that you are sexually attracted to men and this is why no genuine romantic feelings for women despite the love.

To have two different sexual orientations would be like having two heads, or two sets of genitalia in visual terms.  Yes I guess it happens, odd stuff like that but it's very unusual.   Whereas there are lots of people who identify as bisexual.

I think a reason that a lot of bisexuals come out of the closet in mid life is because by that age a lot of the little switches have fallen in behind the big switch of same sex attraction.  

I do not believe in the successful happy long-term relationship between a bisexual man of any sort and a straight woman.  sorry.  been there, know it from the inside.  I made it look happy, it was 100% my happy vibe, once that was used up and it took over 20 years, that's when I discovered there was nothing coming from him.  nothing.  all he had contributed was the smugness. 

a straight woman needs a straight man who can give her 100%, the same as she is putting in.  faking it, no matter how well you do it, doesn't make it.
 



 

You don't have to answer this publicly but
1. Are YOU getting what you need out of this relationship?
2. If no, is he prepared to do something about that?
3. How long are you prepared to wait while he figures out if he wants to work on question #2?

To be honest, I think the "fluid spectrum" idea gets over-used to justify lousy behaviour. Maybe it exists? Maybe it's just a way to avoid using any of the LGBT words to describe yourself until you've mentally accepted it? Just my thoughts, I am nowhere near a professional.

Hello everyone!

I'm not a regular user. I came across the Forum out of curiosity about these situations.

First, I would like to express sympathy to all regarding your painful situations.
Now, I am writing to try to provide some insight, because while I'm single, I am bisexual.

There is indeed people that label themselves as bisexual but actually are homosexual. In my experience you can discern them by observing how what they say, voice range, gesticulation, what they do and how they do it. Basically body language.
I can tell you that I most definitely can enjoy sex and have a deep emotinal connection with a person, regardless if man or woman. I do not feel the same attraction or interest for Trans persons, though
I can also tell you that I personally, am more inclined to feel attraction towards the person itself, if man or woman is of little importance to me.

In my experience, the Kinsey Scale is quite accurate, you might want to check it out,

Please understand that sexuality is difficult even to heterosexuals, mainly because we live in a very sexually repressed society. It might help you deal with everything by understanding that and detach yourselves to the problem as if you were at fault. Nobody is really at fault, imagine how difficult it is for a person to accept and fully understand itself, but do try to have and open and direct channel or communication, it might be the key.

If there is anything else, do not hesitate to contact... I'll do as best as I can to help.

Hi Gus, you sound just like my bisexual friend did when he was young.  He would insist it didn't matter what sex they were, it was the person he fell in love with.  

do you find you tend to go from man to woman to man to woman?  

he still fully identifies as bisexual but he knows he is gay because eventually he realised that it was Brad Pitt he fantasised about.