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July 13, 2023 3:13 pm  #21

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

M-Kate wrote:

....My situation may be different since he did cheat on me in the past.   He wants me to be able to trust him again, but I may not be able to do so.   

I think knowing your husband has cheated on the past puts you in a much better position when you decide which direction you want to take

You can't magic bisexuality away. It's there...however deeply... forever. I didn't want to leave my privileged life and be alone either but the lack of trust was a big part in my decision. That and my ever diminishing precious self-esteem and confidence.


KIA KAHA                       

July 13, 2023 4:35 pm  #22

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….


I’m so sorry. That would be really tough to get past the infidelity. I’ve heard it can be done, but it takes a lot of willingness and work from both parties.

Edit… even without infidelity it takes a lot of willingness and work to figure this all out. It took us a year to a year and a half to talk about everything. Mind you, most of it was me asking the same 30-40 questions numerous different ways. My husband was very patient and understanding and answered everything in a calm and respectful manner. All of it, although challenging at times, brought us closer together. I’ve suspected he wasn’t completely straight since the beginning, he just couldn’t accept and acknowledge it until 28 years into our relationship.


Last edited by TangledOil (July 13, 2023 6:23 pm)

     Thread Starter

July 13, 2023 5:19 pm  #23

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Nimble wrote:

Hey Lily,

I must admit your post gave me a little chuckle.  It's quite an assumption to think she's dressing for other women.  She most certainly isn't.  Her style is what makes her happy and feel more like herself.  She has crazy hair and a bunch of piercings and her clothing choices are about what makes her feel like herself.  Prior to coming out, she was sometimes nervous about how she'd be perceived if she did what she wanted, but now she's confident and happy about being who she is.  If you asked, she'd say a huge portion of that confidence comes from the fact that she has a partner that is in her corner unconditionally.

I do understand that my experience is far different than the norm for folks in these forums, and while I'm grateful for how it's gone for me, I am aware and feel for those having a rougher time.  I mostly posted and returned for folks like Pixel who may be walking a similar path.  

My wife isn't looking to go anywhere without me, nor I her.  We're very happily married and still absolutely best friends.  

Hi Nimble,

Okay, so the answer is you are in a monogamous relationship.  Wish you all the best, glad you got a chuckle.

Re clothes - I was a teenager in the 70's - one day I caught a bus into town and went to the men's store which was the only place you could buy a pair of jeans (Levi red tabs), then I went to the Army and Navy Disposal store, which was the only place to buy t shirts (under-vests), then I went to the chemist and got a little tin of dye, just the right shade of purple (light but warm), then I went home, dyed my t-shirt, cut my hair with a fringe and a Hippy chick was born.

Of course self-expression matters.  And it means what it means.



July 29, 2023 3:07 pm  #24

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

I'm happy to read that some MOM work.   I hope that we'll be as fortunate.   I'm still working on accepting that my husband is bisexual, and I don't totally trust him.   It's just been 3 months since he "came out" to me.   


July 29, 2023 10:35 pm  #25

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

While I do believe that some MOM can make it work. I just want to point out that numbers on all of this. 

The majority of people who post about their MOM working out and everything going great have not been together long enough to make that claim. Just the facts.

1/3 of MOM end within the year of the spouse coming "out of the closet". Depending what source you go with, by 5 years you're looking at 80-90% of MOM being at the point of divorce. 

I don't want to discourage people, because there are so many factors and variables that come into play, but I have seen so many heart broken people come to this page and cling to the hope that their marriage is going to work. 

I always advise proceeding with caution. But to make things work you need open communication, the ability to analyze yourself and know what your boundaries are, and respect and empathy from your spouse. So many of these stories have a GID spouse who has cheated or plans to cheat, has built a double life, misleads, gaslights or lies....The way I see it, take the same sex attraction out of it. Picture your husband asking you about sleeping with another woman because he has desires and needs. Or your wife telling you she slept with 5 other men but it doesn't mean anything because it was only sex. 

Looking back on what happened in my own marriage, I do wish I had gone into it with a lot more information and a lot more caution. It would have prevented a lot of heartbreak.

Last edited by Anon2222 (July 29, 2023 10:37 pm)


July 31, 2023 9:12 am  #26

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Sometimes I think that I can accept my husband's bisexuality and empathize with him.   Other times I can't help but realize that the truth is that he would like to have anal and oral sex with a man.   It's hard to get past this fact.  He claims that it's not important to him and that he wants to focus on our marriage and gain my trust back.   He has agreed to be honest and tell me if he decides that he needs to explore this part of his sexuality so that we can part as friends.  I think that I believe him, but I just don't know whether I want a life with him anymore. 

Sometimes he accuses me of being judgmental of his bisexuality.  He says he can’t help it and he was born this way.  


Last edited by M-Kate (July 31, 2023 9:19 am)


July 31, 2023 1:39 pm  #27

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

M-Kate wrote:

....Sometimes I think that I can accept my husband's bisexuality
..... but I just don't know whether I want a life with him anymore. ...

You're in the middle of the middle of the Mindfuck but I reckon you're closer to seeing yourself as more important than the man who thinks his needs are more important than yours.

I accepted A's bisexuality (long before I knew it was ruining my life) and the decision to leave took years, and I feel like it'll take a long time to ever feel joy in my life again but..... I'd rather be lost and alone than be unhappy with him


KIA KAHA                       

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