Hi Anon2222,

I am really sorry to hear you are going through this and I hope you get better soon. It happened with me. November 2020 she told me she was “not heterosexual” (her words) for the first time and wanted to end our relationship and keep the house. I knew something was off for a long time in our relationship but she was able to divert any conversation about it. Sex became mechanical and emotional intimacy and affection decreased after we got married. We were together for 6 years, 3 of them married. I couldn’t sleep after disclosure and started taking a prescribed medicine for that. In March of 2021 I had a stroke (but no known lasting impact). In April of 2021 I started having neuropathy in both of my legs. In November of 2021 I started having pain in my joints (knee, hip, back). In December of 2021 my legs started swelling. I went to 7 doctors and no one identified anything wrong. In February of 2022 I was reading about the medicine I started taking to sleep and in some websites there were indications of rare occurrences matching what was going on with me. I think doctors didn’t look into this due to the time between starting the medicine and the symptoms. I stopped taking it and most of the symptoms ended in 3 months. There was no way to prove the medicine was the cause. The only issue that remained was my back. I had a re-herniated disk, I went through all the less invasive recommendations and finally decided for a second surgery in January of 2023 (surgery in March). I lost my job in 2022 (reorganization) and decided to wait for my situation to improve before finding another. I am in my 50s and saved enough not to be concerned for a few years. I am 4 months post surgery now and still recovering. The last 2 years were brutal. I had a lot to process during this time and resting and not working actually helped me a lot. I am in a completely different place mentally and can now understand much better her personality, my own and how we ended up where we were. I have much more peace in my life now (despite recovering and being jobless) than what I had in the last year of our relationship. Being with someone that is hiding something from you can be very detrimental to our health. It is abuse. She did help me during my recovery but I have been emotionally detaching from her during the last few months.

I hope with time you will be able to see the relationship you had with different eyes and appreciate the fact that you are free from it. I am almost 3 years post disclosure now and look forward to a very simple life ahead without unnecessary excitement.

VPPN