OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
- Rob
- Member
Offline 
Re: How do I survive this?
For posterity...
But..
Sometimes I need no reminders of the pain..
The cruel words and raging curses..the lies.. are forever etched in my mind. I was in hell and nothing can be as bad now.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
Early Intervention Conference was today. It was basically a formality since we've already agreed on everything in mediation. We got a few forms filled out and then attended an education session on how to co-parent.
Despite the relative ease of this meeting it was still very hard for me. The reality of everything is setting in.
I'm feeling sorry for myself.
Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to deal with child custody and calendars and all of this garbage? Why do my kids have to go through this. They are truly innocent. Why can't they have a stable happy family? What did I do wrong to ruin their lives..
it's not fair..
pity party today I guess...
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
To the prior post..
I didn't do anything wrong to make my kids have to go through this.
I sure wasn't a perfect husband. I lived and loved in fear that someday she might be a homosexual.. as a result there were times that I was closed off and defensive about things that made me think she was moving in that direction. That made her feel alone. That is my shortcoming as a husband.. Plus I wasn't great at doing those little things that she wanted from me. I was too focused on the big things. So i'm far from perfect. But I didn't cause the divorce. My shortcomings were average.. I think what can be expected of any spouse. They were not sufficient to cause her to be unhappy and want a divorce. Could I have been better.. yes! Will I be better next time.. yes! But I didn't cause this to happen. She did because she lied to herself and to me about who she really was. Her selfishness and her secret destroyed my family and ruined the lives of me and my children. Now we have to fight to break free of this and find a silver lining and figure out how to be happy again.
I am choosing to believe that something good will come from my pain and suffering.
Perhaps I'll be a much better father to my boys.
Perhaps I can help other people get through their own hard times.
Perhaps there is a woman out there somewhere (maybe with kids of her own) that is searching for a kind and honest man to fall in love with. Maybe I can be a blessing to another woman and perhaps other children and I can make their lives better.
I'm trying to find the silver lining here..
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
Dee wrote:
Sending hugs today lostdad.
Thank you so much Dee! Wish I could get one of those in person
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
How do I know when I'm ready to date?
I want to find someone new right now. I want to be in love.
But I'm not divorced yet.. that will take another month or two.
I keep reading that I'm supposed to wait a year or more so that I'm healthy and not a "rebound". I definitely don't want to risk hurting someone else by leading them into a relationship if I'm not ready and emotionally available.
But how do I know?
I can't be married to my wife anymore. I miss the old her.. (the person I thought she was), but that is gone.. so it's not like I'm sitting around pining over her. I can't be with her because she doesn't exist. I certainly don't love the new her.. she's awful. (not as bad as many of the other spouses on this forum, but still bad compared to what I used to know). So I'm not hung up on her anymore.
What are other signs that I'm not ready? Or am ready?
I just want to be sure.. as much as possible that I'm healthy and ready. I don't want to risk playing with someone else's emotions and leading them on if I'm not in a good place to be dating. But I don't know how to judge that yet.
Last edited by lostdad (November 17, 2016 1:09 pm)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
I've decided that I like "Retail Therapy".
I bought a couple of new TV's yesterday.. early Black Friday deals that I found online.
I can't go crazy buying a ton of things because money will be a bit tight for me. But a few presents really do make me feel better.
I'm warming up to the idea of making the house my own. I think I can find many ways to keep myself entertained..
I guess I'm just not sure if I'll be happy without someone else to share love with. We will see...
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
- Administrator
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
December 9th is my confirmed settlement conference in court. Since we've settled everything, I just need to make sure our paperwork is filled out correctly so that the judge can sign off on it if she agrees.
19 days left in my marriage.
What a shame.. all those years of work towards our future. 16 1/2 years.. and she throws me away for a married woman.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- whatasham24
- Member
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
You're through the thick of it now LostDad, the darkest part is long over. 19 days coming up to a breakthru milestone. perhaps you should save some retail therapy allowance for DDay & turn an otherwise melancholy day into a rebirth
happy for you,
Sham
- Rob
- Member
Offline
Re: How do I survive this?
Yeah I've done some retail therapy although ex has done much much more.. I try to be kind to myself with the money because no one else will be.. and the truth is she rejected and forfeited those resources from me.
DITTO here lostdad;
"What a shame.. all those years of work towards our future. 20+ years.. and she throws me away for a married woman"
But I imagine my ex's girlfriend is divorced by now also. I haven't seen or heard much from her but that is good..really good. I thank God that my ex and her stayed together so I could divorce..
So I'm divorced and free from the abuse.. a bit adrift but really seeing how narcissistic and abusive she was .. trying to start my new life... I can do whatever I want..I can go wherever I want... its a like a blank slate.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7