M-Kate wrote:

.....  I can't get it out of my head.  It's like a tape that replays over and over. 

Hate to say it but....you are the one in control of the tape that keeps replaying over and over in your head, so there's only one person who can stop it happening. You. 

It's not easy but I found in the end that my determination not to let these thoughts get the better of me was a lot stronger than the unfair and distasteful images that my imagination conjured up and that I determined I did not want in my head.
Every time one of the images came to mind  I would mindfully make myself think "no!....it doesn't matter anymore. This doesn't have to hurt me. This is not me...this is him!" 

You know when you start thinking of something unpleasant and if you don't catch yourself in time then you're off down the path of self-analysis thinking thinking thinking until you're climbing walls? Well the self-analysis is something your husband has put in your head. It's not a video of you replaying over and over. You have to change the mindset that tells you that it's your problem, that you have to toil and angst over it.
It's not your problem. Your task is to strengthen yourself, to believe you should live how you want to live. 

And never ever let yourself be told you should "get over it" when "it" is the dynamics of your marriage.
You will get through this M-Kate. And be stronger

Elle
 

I want to ask him about some "fancy" underwear that he started to buy a while back (instead of the cheap cotton Hanes brand that he bought for years).  I wonder whether he bought it in anticipation of hooking up with a guy.   I would probably buy new underwear if I were planning an affair.   Why does it matter?   I already know that he cheated with a man and that he's bisexual or gay, but these little things get under my skin. 

Otter wrote:

I've been trying to accept the truth that my husband is bisexual, but I don't really "understand" it.   I wonder what another man could do for him that can't do. 

Yeah, it's hard to understand for me either. But listening to OurVoices podcasts (especially where lesbian wives and gay husbands share their experience) somewhat helped me understand what they might be experiencing. For example, one notable lesbian claimed that she's got butterflies in her stomach and sparkles in her first relationship with a woman, while she never had that with her husband. That's when she realized, that it is "her authentic self".

However, I'm not exactly sure it matters that much. What matters (at least to me, in my situation) is that my wife no longer wants to be with me and wants to date other people (women). She says she wants relationships with women. Given that our relationship has dried out because of that a long time ago, I don't see how things are going to improve between us. She does not want to leave me, but I'm inclined to believe that it's probably because of convenience and familiarity (and I've read similar stories here too). She'd rather live with me and kids, but date other women (and noone is supposed to know, of course).

So in your case your husband may not want to be with you too, but does not want to leave either because of inconvenience and a good cover up for himself.

I could definitely be wrong though. I'm just venting here.

M-Kate wrote:

I think that under the "right" circumstances, my husband would choose to leave me to explore his homosexual side, but I also believe that he does indeed value the life that he has with me and our son.  He doesn't want to blow it all up (at least for now).   I think that he now realizes that his cheating and deceit jeopardized his life with us and he wants to move forward and repair the damage that he's done.    

However, I realize that his attraction to other men will never go away.   I may not be able to accept this part of him and he may not be able to suppress this part of his sexuality.   

He has promised not to lie to me anymore.  I've asked him to let me know if he can't be monogamous so that we can divorce amicably. 

We now have a very active sex life.   We're trying to make each other happy while respecting boundaries (mine).   

There is no reason why it can’t work out. At least from your perspective. There are boundaries and rules now. If he breaks them, then your conscience is clear. You will always have this doubt though, and it is up to him to prove you can trust him. Trust, along with respect and love are earned and not demanded.

M-Kate wrote:

....However, I realize that his attraction to other men will never go away.   
.....We now have a very active sex life.   We're trying to make each other happy while respecting boundaries (mine).   

 
No it won't go away. Your husband knows it will be there. You know it too.
You may be having lots of great sex because he has to keep you believing he is genuine in his attempt to "keep the ship steady" and to allay your fear. He may very well be genuine... time will prove to you if he is.
But while you are in this hiatus be ready to accept things may change because he has given you an uncertainty that he can never  take back and that should be in the forefront of every decision you make from this point forward

Elle