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Heya, so here's mah story. I was with my wife for 15 yrs, married to her for 10. We have 2 boys together. I've always had a hint that she was curious but never expected her to come out completely as gay. I'm a Huge ally of the LGBTQ community and fight for equality. Might seem insincere in saying this, many of my best friends throughout the years have actually been gay men and women, and all throughout the spectrum. An ex of mine was the Queen fag hag at SJ pride one year and it was awesome! I digress. I can really pick em though, as 3 out of my 4 long-term exes have either turned out gay, or cheated on me w other women. I'm a serial monogamist and don't share very well, so even when my wife said she was bi and wanted to have flings w other women, it was tough, even though many guys would be into letting that happen, thinking its hot. I Should have taken that as the beginning of the end, but naively I pushed on with the blinders. It's been a few weeks now that we had the 'talk'. She literally said she wants to have her cake and eat it too, by keeping the fam together, staying best friends and living in the same house. I'm absolutely crushed, obviously, but think down the road it could work. So we would be 'platonic life partners', co-parenting our kids and always living together or right next door, while dating other ppl. I just don't see this staying cleanly uncomplicated.
That said, I'm insecure about if there actually Will be a split, and want to insulate my self, financially, emotionally and in regards to keeping the kids close and those rights. So any advice from divorcees as far as what they wish they would have done, even if the split was amicable? Also, any 2 cents on if this has been feasible for anyone in any similar form?
Thanks so much for listening, ppl, this has just been cathartic in itself. Have a better day than I'm having lol
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Have you wondered how your 2 boys are going to view this? And will you discuss it with them?
Because two adults may be able to try to make this work but may forget there are 2 very impressionable children watching and living with it
Elle
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I wish I hadn't been nice. I wish I'd been tougher. I wish I hadn't let him get away with things.
Having said that, I also respect my thought process at the time which went let him get away with some things and he will be more ready to settle.
And that's sort of the realities you have to address - you will know what works in your situation.
As cool as possible, works best for everyone, I know it must be your kids that you are thinking of most.
My advice is to take control of the process - she wants to date women, that's not a marriage for a serial monogamist is it. And what happens when you meet the one?
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Kids just want and dad and want to know how divorce will affect them. My kids get a strong unabused dad now. It took some tome to teach them that they couldn't treat me like their mother did.