Visitation rights on a similar schedule until he lives somewhere where he can provide a proper stay-over arrangement?

By visitation I don't mean he makes regular visits to your place to spend time with them. It's done elsewhere, I've even heard of having a third party bring the kids wherever it is to meet their dad and then being responsible to return them back home. While that's going on - it's time you can use to focus on whatever you want.

For what it's worth, I'm not even certain you can tell a 14 and 17 year old that they HAVE to stay with Dad on certain weekends. That's right about the age where you start wanting to make your own decisions. I think you have to show that you are allowing a reasonable level of access to the kids balanced with responsibility but a very important thing about custody is the decision-making authority in times of emergency.

I would give him every other weekend until he can prove that he's settled, stable and responsible.  Especially if his own counselor is advising against him having 50/50.  

I'm not doing well.with the "free time" because all I ever was a father.  Her taking  having kids even 1% of the time was like a knife in the side. My no fault state says a mother would need to be an axe murderer in order for me to have even 51% custody.  A dad..well the court feel dads even if they are a stay at home dad raising the kids are entitled to less than the mom.  Courts cannot see nor do they care if the kids are raised in a gay atheist household..  a mother will always have more rights to the kids than a dad ever wil.
JK,  a full custody battle would be expensive..is that really what you want..is your STB(gay)X  not able to watch the kids at all? 
Are they that unimportant to him?

Sorry for my bitterness.  I'm still smarting from my legal fight with my narcissist. (all that you have is mine..I am entitled to everything for what you did).

Let me lay out some terms here, which I think are often misunderstood and easy to misinterpret:

1.  Residential Parent - the parent that the children reside with.
2.  Joint Custody - both parents are responsible for making decisions on the raising and welfare of the children.
3.  Sole Custody - one parent (always the residenial parent) has the sole responsibility for making decisions on the raising and welfare of the children.
4.  50/50 Custody - Splitting the children's time equally between both parents.  This can mean they switch every-other-day between homes, or part of the week with one and the latter half with the other parent, or it can mean every-other-week, or every-other-month, or even three months at a time or 6 months of the year.  However it's agreed upon by the parents.
5.  Visitation - has nothing to do with custody.  You can have visitation regardless of whether there is sole or joint custody.  Parameters are put on visitation (or visitation is declined) if the non-custodial parent is deemed dangerous to the child(ren) or they are at risk of taking the children and not returning them.  In these cases, supervised visitation is usually allowed for.  If visitation is completely denied, it's likely due to abuse of the children.  In this case, sole custody would be awarded to the "good" parent, with visitation denied to the abusive parent altogether.

I know of many, MANY parents who have sole custody and the kids still have visitation with the non-custodial parent.  I myself have joint custody because I could foresee no areas where my ex and I would have major battles over the children's upbringing.  If you have a situation where one parent is insisting on a certain religious upbringing or private schooling where the other parent wants something entirely different, sole custody can eliminate legalities.  But it still doesn't mean the other parent won't vent or make their wishes known.  It just means that there is no legal reason to give them voice.  If you can joint parent well, then I believe that joint custody is the kindest, most respectful form of custody.  I do not believe that 50/50 custody is good for the kids in general.  Too much back-and-forth between "lives", so to speak.  Maybe it would work well if both parents lived on the same street or the parents both traveled a ton for work and it worked out better for supervision.  But otherwise, I feel it's unnecessary except to placate the non custodial parent.

Personally, I wouldn't do every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend.  I'd just do every-other-weekend.  With the option of Wednesday evening visitation.  I myself have always allowed my kids to go with their dad as often as their dad and they wished - meaning that if he is in town and wants to swing by and take them for ice cream - go for it.  If he wants to take them to a play on Wed. evening and it can be worked out with school work, then cool with me.  It hasn't really worked that way - my ex only takes his every-other-weekend, and sometimes has cut those short.  He's never, EVER taken a Wed. evening, despite it being in the parenting agreement as his.  We switch holidays, and we both see the kids over Christmas - he has them from the afternoon they get off school for winter break through Christmas morning, and I get them later that morning through that evening.  I return them the next day and he keeps them for the week.  Then I get them for the second week of their break.  It allows both of us to have the kids with our families and have Christmas, but without depriving each other or the kids of their traditional times with both their extended families.  We are kind to each other in that if one of us has special family vacations (with extended family), we swap weekends to accommodate that.  The same with holidays where the entire family is getting together out of state (my ex's family is all out of state) - if the family is coming together, he can have them that holiday so they can see all their cousins and relatives.  It's never done over Christmas, though.  Usually Thanksgiving or Easter.  If I host my extended family at my home, my ex always lets us have the kids for that holiday.  We just kind of both give so that the kids can have a full life.

I hope this has helped. 

Kel

Last edited by Kel (November 14, 2016 12:23 pm)

jkpeace wrote:

He wanted 50/50, but his own counselor advised against that.  

jkp - As a spouse who has sole legal custody...why does his own counselor advise against 50/50?  Since this is a public forum you do not have to disclose, but I would offer that the starting place for your consideration should be with the counselor's opinion.