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February 2, 2023 10:50 am  #31

Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

LoyalSheyenne wrote:

Hey Blackie,

I seem to be in an extremely similar situation with my wife. Not sure if you're still checking this thread, but I wanted to know how it worked out for you.

Well Loyal - its been a long road. I have uncovered so much about her, who she really is, and I dont mean a lesbian but her character. I am hoping/praying that on the 7th of February, I get the final sign off to end the marriage. I think she felt guilty in the beginning, for lying, for having an affair, and said she only wanted spousal support. (She has a 6 figure job and has for 14 years....) Now she is taking half of everything, it wasnt enough for her to destroy our kids lives, she wants all of the money too. She isnt a good person, I have come to see. Not because of what she did here, but its who she has always been. She was mirroring me for years, because I am everything she is not and will never be. 

So, it ended in a way I initially did not want, but now I can not wait to have her out of my life (outside of the kids) and away from me for the forseeable future. I am excited about starting over and entering actual adult relationships with other emotionally mature women, vs. the what I had, which was a 43 year old woman, with the maturity of a teen. 

Good luck, everyone has their own journey. I hope yours works out in the best and highest good for you and your family


May 2, 2023 11:25 am  #32

Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Blackie, I appreciate your honesty here. It is a story I nearly had a few years ago and, God forbid, may have in my future. For now, my wife and I are happy together. The near death experience of betrayal was more horrifying and traumatic to me than I had any understanding of before it happened to me. One thing, among others, that helped me recover was forgiveness. It took me months of off and on work to come to that point - honestly forgiving her. It was helpful work to my psyche, though challenging. If interested, here is what I did: I wrote up a thorough statement of the ways she had wronged me. Then, I came to understand that she could do nothing to alleviate the pain she caused - even if we stayed together and she really put forward her best. I suffered more in six months than I had in the prior 30 years combined. I had to come to understand that I had to release her debt to me and move on from that obligation - not necessarily trust her again or love her, just release the debt. I read it all out (to her in my case) and vocally forgave her. It was a good turning point for me, though it was more like a path up than a pivot around.
Best wishes!


May 3, 2023 8:50 am  #33

Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

I was also able to forgive my gay ex boyfriend. Presenting himself as hetrosexual was wrong. I think of all of his very good qualities that he had and how he always would stop and help me when I needed anything. He was kind to my dog and cat and spent money on them. I am married now but I miss conversation with the gay ex. If you cannot forgive, pray for the desire to forgive. I wish you all of the happiness our world has to offer.


June 13, 2023 11:01 am  #34

Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

I forgave a long time ago, realizing holding onto anger only hurts the one holding it. I can not believe how good life has gotten for me. Things at work are well, I am dating a woman who I knew 30 years ago in high school and we are building a very strong foundation based on mutual respect and strong communication. As for my ex, sadly, she seems miserable. My kids seem to be ok, although having to take their mom to court is not ideal, it may reveal the truth nature of things for them. My ex refused to sign the documents, so its dragging. But I don't worry about the outcome at all. I now know I can only control 1 thing in this life....me. I eat well, workout 6-7 days a week, look great, feel even better. I know I will face challenges and disappointments in the future, but I am more present, a better father, son, brother, and man than I ever was. All because I went through this awful experience, felt it all, and chose to grow through it, even on days I did not think it was possible. 

I wish the same for you all!

     Thread Starter

June 13, 2023 6:48 pm  #35

Re: She is questioning, what are our chances?

Pleased to hear things are going well, Blackie.  You are right - eventually she will have to sign, and the less you are stressed over her the better.


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