OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


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May 20, 2023 1:14 am  #31


Re: admins censoring content

lily wrote:

.....When it comes to what happens in the future why not look at supporting straights in looking for another straight?

I've been here almost 6 years. I joined not really believing this could ruin my life and I resisted a lot of the advice until the lightbulb moment and I knew it was indeed in ruins. When OurPath came along I had already built up my resources so was able to separate my concern at the name change from my own straightspouse journey.

I'm separating from my partner and moving cities. This site has been there for me through it all...but I think new vulnerable straightspouses may find it more difficult from now on

E
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

May 20, 2023 7:44 am  #32


Re: admins censoring content

Two old sayings come to mind when thinking of Our Paths cozying up to the LGBTQ+ movement:

1) Follow the money
2)  You can’t serve two masters


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previously Itsabouther
 

May 20, 2023 11:41 am  #33


Re: admins censoring content

It is an incredibly difficult position to be in. That goes for the straight spouse themselves and the support structure such that it is. In our society movements are just that. They need to constantly move in order to survive and grow. This means that the activists need to constantly move their focus and agenda. Every letter that is added to the community opens a new territory to move into. General acceptance is not enough and only leads to stagnation and retardation of movement. 
The admins here on this resource will be acutely aware that the written content is visible to anyone who chooses to view it. This means that a curious person or activist could view content that would be distressing for them and may to them be homophobic to a degree. The board’s very existence could be challenged as a safe place for homophobic rhetoric. The language used and the tone of its use have to be monitored with great care and sensitivity. No one on this resource is here because they want to say how fantastic it is to have someone from the LGBTQAI+ community in their lives. We have all been hurt very deeply by what we have to endure, and the wounds are deep. If the board was closed down, where do the next wounded souls go to be heard, console and advised? 


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

May 20, 2023 11:41 am  #34


Re: admins censoring content

Elle, Lily and all. What part of "nothing's changed" do you not understand?

 

May 20, 2023 1:13 pm  #35


Re: admins censoring content

Ordinary Guy,  I hear what you are saying.  However, at some time you have to tell a movement that they don't get to control what you say, think or do.   Look at what's happened ot women's sports because people are afraid to speak up.    What happens when the letter "M" for minor attracted person is added to the lexicon of letters will people no longer be able to speak up about pedophilia.  Don't say it won't happen,  California is already using the term minor attracted person and Drag Queens at kids story hours is damn near there.   It's time Straight Spouses be the movement that others have to worry about offending. 


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previously Itsabouther
 

May 20, 2023 2:36 pm  #36


Re: admins censoring content

Sam (Admin) wrote:

Elle, Lily and all. What part of "nothing's changed" do you not understand?

 
Everything changes. It's a fact of life...if nothing changes then nothing grows. Most people know it.

If nothing's changed...why the new name?
If nothing's changed....why the addition of "partners of transpeople"?
I guess this is a structured, decided move to be inclusive but for Bill770 to say "Education is the most powerful weapon.." in a forum of straightspouses who already know the stress of the Mindfuck.... I would say to Bill "it's not the forum that needs the education so why was one of our members censured for speaking her mind in a space that is here for her to speak her mind?"

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

May 20, 2023 3:57 pm  #37


Re: admins censoring content

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

I guess this is a structured, decided move to be inclusive but for Bill770 to say "Education is the most powerful weapon.." in a forum of straightspouses who already know the stress of the Mindfuck.... I would say to Bill "it's not the forum that needs the education so why was one of our members censured for speaking her mind in a space that is here for her to speak her mind?"

Elle

The member was censored for spreading misinformation. Another member (straight spouse) objected to this. This Forum is far from all we do. Those who do this to us (or potentially would) are the ones who need education. If those people didn't need to hide in a lie there would be no need for this organization. Now there seems to be tremendous political backlash against them. Someone here is repeating the boogeyman scare words being pushed. This can only serve to drive them back into the closet and guarantee the need for this organization will last a long time.
BTW I strongly disagreed with the ambiguous wording of "partners of Trans" and have made those objections known. We do not support non-straight partners of Trans.
 

 

May 20, 2023 5:36 pm  #38


Re: admins censoring content

I have read a few posts similar to the deleted one. I am glad it was removed.  It has no place on any website. I am a member of this forum only. I never plan to work or volunteer for Our Path. I want to forget this m1ndf!cj happened to me, tbh.

It bears repeating that bashing of LGBTQ+ will make that closet grow. It will make the LGBTQ+ population of non straight cities swell. 

Bashing specific groups serves no purpose.  No one heals. It hurts everyone.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

May 20, 2023 6:36 pm  #39


Re: admins censoring content

Sam, I really appreciate the existence of this forum, as I said in an earlier post, I think it's a minor miracle it exists at all.  and I really appreciate all the work you do here.  No you haven't changed!

The objections haven't changed either.  Personally I think changing to this style of forum rather than the Voy forum we had before has made it messy to navigate.  And then, I know it was Elle's request but the extra section has muddied the waters from what was before a pretty simple brief - support for a straight spouse at an unreal time - I think it said on the SSN banner.  

And that's the really damaging change - taking the term straight spouse off the banner.  Immediately the numbers of new posters dropped off.

The thing that has bothered us now is that a well respected poster - OOHC - has felt the need to leave.  

I don't honestly think you can build bridges between transgender politics and the experience a straight spouse goes through.

I totally agree with OOHC about that first mission statement - it's mind bending - why differentiate between a straight wife of a transgender man and a straight wife of a gay man to such a degree that they are no longer viewed as in the same group.  And I personally still object to the loss of the word spouse - admittedly people who aren't married might wonder if they're included - which of course they are as it is basically a term that is specific to getting into bed with someone whether you have a licence for it or not.  If your business partner turns round in the middle of a big deal and says he's gay it's not likely to bother you one bit.  But if it's your spousal partner?  it has a massive impact.

Straight Spouse Forum was a nice clean title.  And there's no lgbtiq+ bashing going on here - as it turns out it's more like its the other way round,  it looks like there is plenty of straight spouse bashing that goes on inside these mixed orientation marriages, doesn't it.  How often does it come out, as was the case for me, that I had been made to feel it was all my fault?

Personally I made the decision to stick around, I am appreciative of this forum and I do believe contributing here in the long term has helped me heal but that please note that there is no s for straight in lgbtiq+, it's not inclusive of the straight experience and why should it be - same for us.  Can we not have one spot in the universe where it's okay just to be straight?





 








 

 

May 20, 2023 6:46 pm  #40


Re: admins censoring content

MJM017 wrote:

I have read a few posts similar to the deleted one. I am glad it was removed. It has no place on any website. I am a member of this forum only. I never plan to work or volunteer for Our Path. I want to forget this m1ndf!cj happened to me, tbh.

Hi MJM, does this mean you saw the post before it was deleted?
 

 

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