I can remember when The Straightspouse Network's name was changed and members were rightly cautious and concerned this would change the site. One of the Admin people, who used to be a Forum member (her name has slipped my mind) replied to a comment of mine with the explanation that because the lgbtq community had 'taken' and was using the word "straight" in their rhetoric it had been decided to change the name.
I thought it was odd then...but now I just see it as bowing down to a bigger, ever-growing entity instead of standing up to the entitlement. And now they want to be women too. 
What's next?....I hate to think

E

I just want to chime in here.  The issue isn't "gays and transgenders" per se.  The issue is the pain, hurt, and atomic bomb dumped on us by profoundly dishonest people with profound personality defects...who happen to be LGBT+.  As such, generalized bashing of the LGBT+ community cannot be tolerated -- it's THE reason that most of us ended up in this godawful situation.  Supporting straight partners while supporting the LGBT+ community is not only possible, but also a critical part of the solution.

Just to put a counterpoint to this ongoing argument....because I'm actually kind of tired of it. My husband has a supportive, loving family. No religion. No bullying. Had a great childhood. Brother came out ages ago and has a poly marriage thing. Since he has come out, not a single person in his entire family hasn't welcomed him with open arms. I actually find it quite astounding the love and support he has received....and just how demonized I have become.

So, what's his excuse? He married a straight woman for 20 years. And he still says he had to use me because he didn't know how to talk about it (like...how much more support do you honestly need??? It's literally the in thing of the decade...and you STILL can't deal with it).

Violence, conversion therapy, all that jazz should not happen and was never acceptable, and never should be. But, at this point in time, do we really have to build bridges and support the LGBTQ community?

A gay man has taken absolutely everything I have in my life. And you bet I am sensitive to the whole thing being shoved in my face. Hell, getting in trouble at work and called homophobic because I didn't want a giant rainbow flag on my desk.....Like, I have a visceral reaction to stupid rainbows now! I am so traumatized that a rainbow flag will actually lead me to hyperventilate and get sick.

I can see how some straight spouses can look at the past era as preventing their spouses from coming out...but, personally, I don't see it. There are plenty of LGBTQ individuals who decided to live with a "roommate" or not marry and live their lives without hurting anyone. I'm happy to support equality and equity for all of these people. The ones screaming in my face, parading around in buttless chaps and making absolutely everything sexualized....no, I have no desire to support in any way. We are going insane on the other end of the spectrum.

This has actually raised a question for me....as I have only ever used the forum (which has ended up being a great help/support to hear others going through their spousal disclosures). But, is this actually the prevailing belief - that if we just support the LGBTQ community enough and mainstream it....that this won't happen again? Is there any science to support this theory?

I genuinely want to know. Because it seriously couldn't have been any easier for my ex to prance out of the closet. All these stories about abuse, religious strangle holds, family judgement....he had nothing. Completely supportive family, life, background etc to be whoever he wanted to be. It seems no one was even that surprised when he came out (which would have been nice to know if any of his family actually thought this....why didn't anyone tell me). I was just the complete moron who was the last to know apparently. 

So, why did he use me? That's what I don't get. What was the point? And why did he have to be so cruel about it? That's also what I don't get....is so many of these spouses become such selfish, cruel people. It's like, not only did you end the marriage you went out of your way to decimate your straight spouse's life.

I feel like there's a hell of a lot more going on here than just providing support to the community. So I really want to know, what's backing up this belief?

lily wrote:

.....When it comes to what happens in the future why not look at supporting straights in looking for another straight?

I've been here almost 6 years. I joined not really believing this could ruin my life and I resisted a lot of the advice until the lightbulb moment and I knew it was indeed in ruins. When OurPath came along I had already built up my resources so was able to separate my concern at the name change from my own straightspouse journey.

I'm separating from my partner and moving cities. This site has been there for me through it all...but I think new vulnerable straightspouses may find it more difficult from now on

E