I'm not sure how I feel about the trans perspective to be honest. I can also see how a woman in the position of her husband deciding he is suddenly a woman too could be quite disconcerting.

Personally, I agree with Elle - I feel like the trans movement has actually gotten kinda scary. And some of the LGBTQ viewpoints. I do not see trans women as being women. You are a trans woman. As ling as you are not hurting anyway, I have no qualms with you being a trans woman, but you are not female. 

I find it a misogynistic/paternalistic viewpoint to say you can suddenly decide you are a woman, put on women's clothing, and just be a woman. As if that is all there is to being a woman. I feel like it makes a mockery of women. And this sudden vehemence against referring to someone as a mother - now it has to be "birthing person" and "chest feeding". It feels like women are getting erased.

I grow weary of being treated like a criminal just because you don't agree with a loud and obnoxious group, and that there is no openness to discussion and debate - it's immediately if you don't agree with who screams the loudest, you are wrong. And, there is nothing wrong with women standing up for their rights - look how far backward we have gone in the last few years alone.

Go be a trans woman....but don't go "break" a world record for women's sports and claim you are female.

I also find it ironic, that my husband came out of his closet and decimated my life, and received endless support and praise for his bravery. Meanwhile, I have worked with the LGBTQ community, I have done endless research and work into projects to improve access to healthcare for marginalized groups, I talked to people who specialized in LGBTQ coming out late in life when my husband came out as bi....on and on....and I have now been told I am homophobic, that I trapped him in a loveless marriage, that it's amazing he can now be his authentic self and stop pretending, and people have tried to shame me for speaking out about my side and not supporting him enough.

If this was just the odd person, it would be one thing....but it's something I have gotten again and again. Hell, I got in trouble at work because I declined to display a rainbow flag on my office desk (it has absolutely nothing to do with my job). I do not believe anyone should be assaulted, bullied, or treated any differently based on their orientation...but this rabid attitude, and this entitled viewpoint that you can just destroy everyone around you if they don't agree with you, and that everything you do is right and we all have to support you....I don't agree with.

It's actually unsettling what is going on.

Schools are talking about 36(+) genders now in school. How as a child are you not totally confused? How can you honestly say that the child is not being influenced and choosing freely?

I was a tomboy growing up. When I hit puberty, I can honestly say it occurred to me that it would be a heck of a lot easier being a boy lol. I have never been a girly girl. I swear now that someone out there would have told me I was actually a man in a woman's body and I needed to transition.

I have concerns about what the future holds in regard to relationships for these kids. A friend of mine has done a lot of work with "troubled" children in the school system. And has worked with quite a few transitioning children. She has a hard time with these kids....she was saying if they were actually happy and if it improved their outcome, self-esteem, lives, or anything....but no, they remain completely miserable. She continues to work with a number of now adults who transitioned and she said they are struggling even more than they did before and the body dysmorphia just gets worse.

Not only do I worry about how the next generation is going to be impacted....I also worry about the straight spouses that are going to get dragged into this mess. Are so many still going to gaslit, lie, and manipulate their straight spouses? Are more and more people destined for heartbreak and devastation as they see themselves being destroyed by a selfish and cowardly spouse?

I have had the argument made to me about those coming out late in life growing up in a different era - conversion therapy, gay bashing, violence, religious persecution, on and on. My gay ex-husband grew up with zero religion. An open and supportive family. His brother is bi, married, and has a poly relationship with multiple girlfriends. His entire family has given him unwavering support and demonized me. And yet....he married a straight woman for 20 years. So, what's his excuse?

Censorship of Straight Spouses feelings and beliefs is what I feared when Straight Spouses changed its name to Our Path because "Straight" had negative connotations and the organization had to at least appear supportive of the LGBTQ+ in order to get contributions.   Now here we are Straight Spouses can not speak their mind or express an unpopular opinion or incorrect according to the science of the day.   

What ever contribution and growth Our Path has achieved has been at the expense of sacrificing the Straight Spouses the group the organization was originally created to help. 

Has anybody ever heard the term straight-bashing?  I haven't.  Sam much as I tend to trust your judgement and excellent admin skills, here we are with OOHC walking out in protest - without the details to make my own judgement I find that my trust is in her judgement over listening to the president who is saying things like "OurPath works very hard to remain neutral as we help people select the right path for them and their families."

I remember the conversation we had when OnePath took away our name, Straight Spouse Forum.  I said we are now in the belly of the beast and so I think it's some sort of minor miracle that the Straight Spouse Forum, albeit shorn of it's name still exists and at least a few of the hurting straight spouses can find us.

Perhaps a better way might have been to post a reply to the post that was considered faulty in understanding rather than deleting it? 



 

Last edited by lily (May 18, 2023 5:23 pm)

Charting My Path wrote:

Unbelievable these people have the entire society feeling sorry for them to the extent that we the Straight Spouse have to grin and bear it and if we don't support our spouse when they come out we are homophobes or Transphobes.     Bullshit! 
 

Obviously you didn't read my post. Or read what you assumed I would say. You may bash your spouse/partner as much as you want. Nobody expects you to "celebrate their coming out". I sure didn't. However GENERALIZED gay bashing unfairly targets some who have nothing to do with what happened to you. As I said that has been the policy of the Straight Spouse Network since it's founding. My late ex married me because she wanted a sperm donor and a breadwinner. No way I have any sympathy for her or anyone else who does that. And that doesn't make me a homophobe.