Welcome, thank you for sharing your story. I found out that my ex boyfriend was gay in June of 2020. I did not break up with him for a year because of Covid. I remember the shock and the pain that I felt. I am so sorry. At least she told you. If you have a therapist, that will help too. Take your time to decide what to do. Post here as much as you need to. I will hold a good thought for you.

Thank you, can you point me towards the first aid thread?

Welcome to the club no one wanted to be a part of EuroGuy. I hope that this turns out in your best and highest good, whatever that ends up being. This site was a key source of strength for me early on and I come back to try to help others. It's all confusing, painful, pretty awful and I was 23 years in.....hang in there. Take it a day at a time. Ensure you have trusted people to talk to, cant keep this bottled up. That is dangerous. Allow yourself to feel it all, good or bad, and trust what your body tries to tell you. 

Be well!

EuroGuy23 wrote:

#Welcome to our Forum Euro I'm a woman with a bisexual partner who I'm separating from after 38 years. I was in an open r'ship...coerced, sweet-talked, gaslit. Looking back...it was the beginning of the end of our r'ship.

When your wife said she loves you and your family, and that you are an amazing man, husband and father, but she just can't get from you what she gets from her girlfriend ...that is also why she said... she very much wants to stay married to me, and to try and have a MOM / Open relationship. Because you're her reliability and safety. 
Once you agree to an open r'ship it'll be like you give the keys of freedom to her and it will change your life forever. There will be no going back. She wants you to say that you are okay with her being with another person so when you find the reality of it unbearable she can say "ahh but you said you were okay with it"
Why should you have to learn to develop coping tools for the jealousy, for the pain and sadness you feel. That is just unfair.
Of course your communication, and emotional and physical intimacy has been much improved. She wants your agreement. The relief you feel at being able to explain that it wasn't in fact "all my fault" will mask all the other emotions. The loss of the intimacy you thought was yours alone, the concern that if she can change the dynamics of your life once....will she do it again? 
Sadness and loss, happy and grateful....yes this is the confusing time when you have to look deep inside yourself and make decisions about what you want your life to look like in, say, 10 years when your boys are 20 & 16, and you are maybe realising your life is emptier than you thought it would be

Elle







 
 

I'm sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

I sense that very few guys have successfully evolved into a MOM.  If you are going to go that way, you have to accept a lot of things that are likely unacceptable to you.  For myself, there's no way that I wanted to be married to an adulterous lesbian who wasn't interested in guys and really only had use for me in maintaining a heterosexual facade.  And if you decide to remain in the marriage but have a heterosexual side chick, your pool of women who are willing to accept your situation is quite shallow.  And more importantly, I wanted to be in a real, mutually respectful, monogamous, heterosexual relationship rather than the shitshow my ex-wife unilaterally imposed upon me.

Can a MOM be done?  Sure.  But do you really want to given the baggage that comes with it?