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March 18, 2023 3:15 pm  #51

Re: Feel lost

cindyb wrote:

Wow. I can resonate with many of you. I have been married to my husband for 10 years and within the last year, learned that he experiences gender dysphoria. While he has no intent right now to transition (faith and moral beliefs), it is still a struggle for me to think about continuing our relationship and marriage with this part of it. While much of him hasn't changed, I still am really hurt by the betrayal and lying that has happened.

Always keep that feeling of hurt and betrayal close in the coming months. Because that feeling should be the basis of many of your decisions. The partners/husbands/wives of straightspouses often muddle our emotions to the point that we forget about ourselves at a time we should be focusing on how we feel, where we are going.
Begin to see yourself as an individual, with your own set of values and dreams for the future.
Talk to somebody, not your husband! about this. Somebody who will keep your confidence.


KIA KAHA                       

March 31, 2023 7:52 pm  #52

Re: Feel lost

I am just at the beginning of this journey.  15 years together.  No clue - not even a hint until recently.  


April 13, 2023 3:36 pm  #53

Re: Feel lost

My husband of 30 years came out as trans 15 months ago. It was a complete, complete shock and we immediately separated - I have no wish to live with a trans women.

I believe he is an autogynephile (sexually aroused by the thought or image of being a woman) but he also told me he knew he wanted to be a girl at 5 years old and when he was a teenager, which led him to confide in a close friend at the age of 19. Does this follow the pattern of an autogynephile who comes out at the age of 60? I view this as a sexual fetish which (to me)  doesn't add up to a child or teenager wanting to change sex - or does it? Can anyone help me on this?
A day after he came out to me I found a document on his desk (I think he wanted me to find it) where he was estimating his day to day TF with an arrow up or down. I think TF stands for Tranvesite Fetish, I think.
Does anyone know anything about this? 

     Thread Starter

April 14, 2023 8:01 pm  #54

Re: Feel lost

The way I see it there's a basic model of how we human beings have reproduced that doesn't involve coping with same sex attraction and then there are the adaptations that have happened since.

So a man with same sex attraction, even though he was capable of fathering a family first, can end up wanting to look like a woman and to me, my belief is that, for all the satisfaction they get just from dressing feminine, the underlying urge is to attract a man.

I was married to a diva in disguise.  He never dressed in feminine clothes but there's this picture I remember where he is dressed as a fairy for the Christmas party at his work.  He is wearing a white and star spangled tutu, wings, wand, ballet shoes, feminine hairdo and plenty of make up, bright red lipstick.  He looks very happy, like he's having the time of his life.  At the time I remember thinking it was because he was happy to be entertaining the kids.  But now I can see it wasn't that at all, he was lively because he was being himself (oh and as I later discovered, he had a boyfriend there who would have been looking on).  What he did not have that was that wooden feeling, like he was posing, as in the photos with me.


May 3, 2023 11:31 pm  #55

Re: Feel lost

Marianne wrote:

Nadine, I meant declaration of nullity according to the church law. My husband is trans and he didn't tell me some things I had right to know before marriage, which I hope will be sufficient. I was waiting for his official diagnosis to have some hard evidence.

I WAS in this situation. The “other” came out as trans and bi but just really gay. Not into women at all. How was I married for 13 years is BEYOND me!

I did successful get an annulment from the Catholic Church. I am not of Catholic faith but I’m appalled that you have to fill out all this paperwork and inquires on your childhood just to get this done. Your childhood has NOTHING to do with a lying  “partner” deceiving and presenting as one gender when they knew they were not.

I didn’t not fill out the paper work. I started it, but then I stopped and had the other do it since “he” pushed for the church wedding. Since “he” was such a liar and took vows before God, I made him go back to church to face the priest.

The paperwork came back as an approved annulment based on deception. All his responses were just can responses taking no responsibility and not even saying bc I am trans or want to be a women. And lying on the responses! How sad is “he”!!??? Again lying to God.

I did not respond to the annulment paper work. I wanted to send all the proof I had lying, sexting nude pics as a “women” but then thought why am I wasting my time?

In my divorce proceedings with the court…I did not settle for “irreconcilable differences” along with “ can no longer cohabitate as husband and wife”. I HAD the mediator put “16 years of deception representing as male when desired to be female, infidelity and desire to transition to female”. I was NOT signing off on “irreconcilable difference”.

Good luck with the annulment


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