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April 6, 2023 10:55 am  #21

Re: So ... Now What?

Cross dressing is a sexual addiction. Did you ever ask him when he started doing it?  And, if he was sexually aroused by it particularly when he was young?  Men who have this problem usually experience shame about it and have a tendency to lie about the sexual arousal component part of it.  Addictions are a slippery slope.  Need more and more to get the same high.  Unfortunately, these guys have less of a chance to find help in controlling or overcoming it in today's society as they are told this behavior means they are trans.  You said you think "he threw away all of the womens clothing he bought and took the nail polish off".  That's part of the cycle of a cross dressing addiction, they buy and purge.  

I'm glad you are taking steps to distance yourself.  


April 6, 2023 11:02 am  #22

Re: So ... Now What?

Lynne, this is the first time he's ever done anything like it from my understanding.  I've never found anything before.  He told me that he likes the soft feeing of it and just feels better. He had also bought "tucking" underwear which I had told him I didn't like.  He also said in a post on reddit that he liked both men and women - but I don't believe he has ever done anything.  He has a porn addiction and it's always been the women in them (that is what is focused on for the ones I have caught him with).  

     Thread Starter

April 6, 2023 2:41 pm  #23

Re: So ... Now What?

Lost @ 50 wrote:

.....I think he threw away all of the womens clothing he bought and took the nail polish off.  So what does that mean?  .....

It means he's scared of being found out by others. It means he can deny the truth if there are no clothes or nail polish.

In the midst of the early emotion turmoil of my own 'finding out and dealing with' the Mindfuck....A. told me he'd thrown out his bag of toys and the lacy tights he'd wear sometimes. I found the tights later so what else was he keeping from me? No wait....he may wear them every night now but it no longer matters.

Once I stepped away and discovered my own truth I was free of his


KIA KAHA                       

April 6, 2023 3:59 pm  #24

Re: So ... Now What?

Lost @ 50 wrote:

I am still waiting for him to talk to me more about things and what he has decided to do.  I think he threw away all of the womens clothing he bought and took the nail polish off.  So what does that mean?  Now I really don't know what to do.  I don't want him to not be happy.  Nor do I want this to happen in 5, 10, 20 years from now.  I gave him a way to find his path.  He could move closer to his kids who will accept him no matter what.  I would do almost anything for him.  I've asked him to get counseling and talk with someone that can help him figure out what he wants to do.  I don't know if he has.  

My gay ex-husband came out as "bi" several years prior to everything. At the time I told him he needed to take all the time he needed to figure things out. See a therapist. Figure out what he wants etc. I put down the boundary that he needed to figure himself out first and make the conscious decision to commit to the marriage, or we come up with a plan to amicably separate. 

I flat out told him he would destroy me as a human being if he sat down beside me one day and said he was gay and leaving. So....it took months-over a year. We did counselling, talked, worked on things, moved to a new house to get a new start. You name it. A lot of crap came out for 3 long years. During that time he assured me he wasn't gay, that he was very attracted to me, yadda yadda.

I fully committed to the marriage. We made plans. We had future dreams. Talked about retirement. 

And then he sat down one Saturday morning beside me and said "I'm gay and I'm divorcing you". And then he was gone. I think it took about 6 weeks to pass the shock and numb stage and realize that I was all alone in a half renovated house with 5 pets and he had moved to a condo and started an entire new life. 

He has expressed a desire to be a woman, dressed in women's clothes, and what not. Take him at his word. Take it at face value and decide what you are looking for and what you want.


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