Hello True,

See a few family law (divorce) attorneys for a consultation into your financial rights and obligations. It may be more positive than you think, especially if he has a 401k/pension and Social Security benefits.

I'd be concerned about marital assets since your husband is now dating. Once closeted men often overspend to impress.  My late GIDXH burned a hole in my pocket during the last years of our marriage.

MJM017:  Yes I thought 💭 of him impressing his new BoyToy 🤢.   I’ve been watching our funds & nothing out of the ordinary.  I’m not quite ready to seek a Divorce Attorney just yet’ but I’ll definitely remember your advice.  So appreciate it, Thank You. 

Hello True,
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I'm in a somewhat similar situation in that my husband came out to me about a month ago. While it's been an elephant in the room for the 24 years of our marriage, I didn't expect him to say I want to have sex with men. And later he went on to admit that he's resented me for a long time; I took this to be anger with his work situation, etc. Anyway, knowing these two elements there's no going back for me, we will (eventually) get divorced. I'm not sure if you are in the U.S. but I've learned that Second Saturdays is a group that offers divorce advice workshops across the U.S. I'm going to sit at one of their next meetings in my area (in person and virtual available). I need facts on what the next steps are related to attorney and an uncontested divorce (if possible) in addition to financial coaching.

I can related to the things you've written. I've been advised by others here to set a date and tell him we are telling x on that date. If you won't then I will b/c I can't live in your closet and I need support too. I don't have the extra challenge of my husband having an affair. I can't imagine how hurtful that must feel. Honestly, I'm still reeling from his admission after 24 years of marriage and in our 50s.

True wrote:

I’ve decided to confront this Big Pink Gay Elephant that we’ve hid in the closet for years… I’m married to a ITCGM & through out the years he’s denied being Gay’ though his history which reads down the list the same as many of you shared in your personal experiences that we’ve all lived through, of course in various ways.   

This time I’m not going to ask him for admission or validation’ I’ve decided to just come out and tell him I know he’s Gay’ & what’s the game plan moving forward.  Do we both continue to live separate lives’, in our distant emotionless’ sexless marriage allowing each of us to engage in extra Marital Affairs?.   Or cut our ties completely & divorce.  

Or do I not try to make any deals w/ the Devil 👿 & do whatever the hell I want to do.  ( this sounds like a plan )  give him exactly what’s he’s giving me & let him wonder who the hell i’m jumping in bed with?  Truth be told he could care less.

He’s been seeing someone else’ only this time his heart strings are attached’ it’s a much younger man, younger than our grown adult kids. Ugh makes me want to vomit 🤢 just the thought.  Sadly my intuition is right on point 🥲 .

I’ve seen him!  I knew he was the one just by the way my Husband looked at him in passing the few times seeing him while we were shopping @ our main shopping store & another time he was standing at another store as if he was waiting for someone ( yeah my Husband ) as they both looked at each other.  I knew he was the one my husband is having an affair with. 🥲🤢👿. 

Moving forward I’m too damn old to cut my ties’ id like to leave our Kids something when we’re both dead & gone. If We were to divorce all assets would go to surviving.  

I did tell him ( we need to talk) his first response’  ‘“about what ? “I can just imagine what you’ve dreamed up”.  He’s already on the defensive, knowing.   He’s enjoyed his ShitShow MindFuck Games he’s played on me over the years. 🥲👿.  

Please share your thoughts 💭.  Or send me a private message.