Wanting an emotional connection before having sex means you are monogamous doesn't it?

Who would want to form an emotional connection to have sex with the codicil that it doesn't matter if you're not really attracted to them first?

Not sure quite why but I have formed the impression that the term demi-sexual has it's origins in lesbians so deep in the closet, they almost are the closet.

I actually have a lot of sympathy for their situation.  Wanting to have children, wanting to raise a family, monogamous and not wanting the feelings of guilt and shame when love for a girlfriend overcomes them.

 

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Mpls:
 I was a college professor during the rise of the alphabet soup of the + that now appears after "LGBTQ" and the proliferation of ways to say common sensical ideas like "wants a monogamous relationship with an emotional connection" was almost funny.  And yes, I'd say the poster is in "oldspeak" a heterosexual woman who wants a monogamous relationship, one that fosters emotional connection and intimacy.  And in "newspeak" she still wants that. 

I don't know if that's the case and I'm not a fan of telling people the way they define themselves is incorrect, or that their experience of themselves isn't real. Guess what landed me in my situation? My wife being told that no one is born gay, that it can't be your part of your identity. If someone tells me their preferences or way of being in the world sound significantly different than what others describe, I'm going to accept that. I have no right, knowledge or authority to do otherwise. 

If being demi- sounds correct to the poster, and she's determined that her experience sounds different than others' experiences that are described as monogamous, I trust her to understand herself better than I do. 

linderjl12 wrote:

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Neither of you is a straightspouse. 
This is a Forum for straightspouses who have had their lives impacted, ruined, sometimes destroyed by people who are not straight

I disagree with that statement. I am demisexual but I am a straight demisexual. You can be straight, bi, or gay and demisexual too. 

 
Well have to agree to disagree then. This is a straightspouse Forum. Not a straight-demi -sexual Forum.

Anon2222 wrote:

Like....I never had crushes growing up. I was never attracted to celebrities, or whatever out there. I have to connect with a person before I would consider sleeping with them. I cannot do a one night stand, or FWB, or anything else of the sort. I want long term, monogamous relationships. And I won't sleep with anyone before a long term commitment is made.

So....then I was trying to figure this out, like, am I suddenly demi-sexual? And what the hell does that mean, and why is there a term for it? Like....can't you just say to someone you're not interested in sex until you build a connection? Like, I put in my dating thing that I don't do one night stands and I'm not jumping into bed with anyone. Do I now have to "identify" myself???

l

You wouldn't suddenly be demi-sexual. You would just have a term to describe how you have always been. 

I would say that I am demi-sexual. I remember once that a group of co-workers were talking about this popular celebrity at the time and they were all saying how they wouldn't kick him out of their bed. I was quiet during all of this, so they asked if I thought he was attractive. I said he was but I couldn't say that I'd sleep with him. After all, I knew nothing about him. They all laughed and said what did I need to know about him other than he was hot. when I said yes but he may be a jerk, they laughed again. Th.at was when I realized that not everyone needed an emotional connection. I found it odd that people could be physically attracted to someone without knowing them. Again, I'm not talking morals or anything like that. I am talking about having genuine physical desire

For me, I can find someone attractive and not want to sleep with him. I am not showing restraint or anything like that. I truly have zero desire and feel no physical attraction toward another person. The physical desire creeps in only after a strong emotional bond has been developed. Likewise, when the bond begins, to wain (like when I found out my ex had been lying to me for 25 years), so does any physical desire.

Being demi-sexual, doesn't mean one isn't straight. It just means that physical attributes aren't what triggers physical desires for you. 
 

I used to describe myself as a serial monogamist - for the laugh it brought.