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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Rob wrote:
.....Hang in there...
Cheers Rob. Good advice
Elle
KIA KAHA
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Elle - I agree with Rob. Stay the course and continue with what you want. Everyone is going to process the news differently. Do you think leaving the information on Collaborative or Combative ways will poke the bear? You know your partner better than us, but is he going to look at the information as helpful? My GID husband was officially served with our Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) a week ago. It's been difficult for both of us and a little more hostility than usual that we both are trying to manage. But he hasn't said much about the MSA and I'm no longer asking. I figure I'll have my Attorney take care of the follow-up if he hasn't responded by next Friday. I'll give him space to process the information.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Elle - I agree with Rob. Stay the course and continue with what you want. Everyone is going to process the news differently. Do you think leaving the information on Collaborative or Combative ways will poke the bear? You know your partner better than us, but is he going to look at the information as helpful? My GID husband was officially served with our Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) a week ago. It's been difficult for both of us and a little more hostility than usual that we both are trying to manage. But he hasn't said much about the MSA and I'm no longer asking. I figure I'll have my Attorney take care of the follow-up if he hasn't responded by next Friday. I'll give him space to process the information.
I keep telling myself to do exactly that....stay the course. Turning back now is not an option 
I go on holiday tomorrow for a week (alone) and I'll leave the info my lawyer gave me for him to read and to be honest ...the only way I could poke this bear would be to get in-his-face angry and I decided 3 years ago that I would no longer allow myself to get angry/be emotional with/at him. My mental health is more important.
And anyway he keeps his emotions stuffed down usually.
I'm so pleased all my children know about this and are supportive.
Sending you good vibes and calmness in your home Gwendolyn
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- gwendolyn_C
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
E - I'm so happy for you! I know that's a good feeling to finally have the conversation! You only get one life and YOU are not going back! Celebrate the steps you have made while you are on holiday! Enjoy!
- Toward the Light
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
[Elle wrote: I'm so pleased all my children know about this and are supportive.]
What a relief! Deep breaths during your whole vacation. Do lots of self care! Take extra, good care of yourself (no one else will.) Restore, rejuvenate, recreate. Rebuild that inner strength you are tapping into. Thinking of you and sending you lovingkindness—May Elle be free from suffering. May Elle be at peace. May Elle be held in the Light. Enjoy your time alone. I bet you are great company to yourself. XO
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
It's February the 14th. Early in in our r'ship' because we never married I tried to make Valentine's Day *our* day. It never fit with my partners black and white view of the world.
I woke this morning and sent this to my 4 children
"" Morning thoughts. No response required, it's too early!
I have no plan. I decided it was time. If I didn't do this, leave the life that has diminished me and left me feeling disconnected from just about anything and everyone in it then I never would. Now I've decided to leave your father I actually have to make a plan.
I have nothing to make a plan with. He has the financial power our life ran on. And that makes me feel kind of useless (which is why I've probably stayed so long) What the fuck do I do now. There are ppl living in cars, with no homes. I should be grateful for the life I have right?
I carry on with what I've started that's what I do
...because I can't go back because I would feel even more useless ""
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I returned home after a week away....during which there has been catastrophic flooding and an earthquake in NZ!!...to
a very subdued partner who I'd told to read a few papers I'd left him to read about the processes of separation and the options. I asked him for his thoughts and he said "very final". Since then nothing. At all. Total avoidance.
It's all I can do to keep it together and keep telling myself I've been in this closet forever and I have to get out even if he's scuttled in to a back corner of it and is ignoring me
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- Blackie563
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
Hang in there, Elle. Throughout my entire process, my lesbian (maybe lesbian??) ex wife has been cruel, lied, selfish. I have had to push through every step towards divorce which is now only a judges signature away from being complete. Each step, she avoids, and get more angry WITH ME as if I have done something by putting my foot down and saying no more to her lies, gaslighting, infidelity, emotional neglect, etc. Regardless, it is clear to me that she views herself as a victim, vs the perpetrator that she is in this scenario.
Dont let it phase you. Keep pushing, you are almost there
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
. ....Dont let it phase you. Keep pushing, you are almost there
"Almost there" sounds a bit rushed for me lol. I do realize this will take awhile but am totally prepared for it 😃
I did message all my children this morning (as a group) and expressed my disappointment that none had reached out to me. Which of course 'broke a wee dam of hesitation' on their part and me and my boys talked a bit. Nothing from the girls yet
E
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- HereInMpls2717
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Re: 2022 was a fucked-up year
I don't know what to think about people responding to this stuff. I guess my bro-in-law was going to call me. My LW came out to him weeks ago and he asked how I was and said if it were him, he'd be completely losing his mind (YEP). To my knowledge he's the only person she's come out to who even thought about me. Hasn't called me either though.
Kids are in an especially difficult, confusing situation. You're both their parents. Hearing that your parents are divorcing is hard at any age and what a confusing reason to try to understand.