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February 6, 2023 8:39 am  #1


Opinion Question

I am huge into researching topics (blame the academic background). So, when all this began and what not, I have done a ton of research (using reputable sources, not propaganda).  I am curious to everyone's opinion.

The claim that is made is that those in the LGBTQ community are "born this way". Thoughts?

And, what are your thoughts on there being such a large community of straight spouses that have had their spouse come out after long marriages?

I am curious as to what everyone's thoughts are. Thanks

Last edited by Anon2222 (February 6, 2023 8:39 am)

 

February 6, 2023 12:36 pm  #2


Re: Opinion Question

Hmmm....I don't really give a damn if it's nature of nurture but if I had to give you an answer it would be in some cases maybe LGBTQ are born that way but then I look at my grandson who I've known since I stood with my ear pressed to the delivery room on the day he was born and who I looked after/spent time with till, at 7yrs and after his parents separation ..moved back to the US where *something* changed in him. In my opinion it was a broken family, lots of stress and definitely a feeling of not being loved or a feeling of being displaced and not able to verbalise it. It may have led him down internet rabbit holes where his young mind looked for an elusive place to belong and he found it in that alphabet community

Some non-straights probably have circumstances in their lives, families, experiences.... religions.... that just add to the fact they grow up feeling different.

It's ironic that even though I have so much resentment and distrust of this community I have to hold myself in check because my grandson who says he is a girl hasn't hurt anyone or destroyed their life

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 6, 2023 7:35 pm  #3


Re: Opinion Question

I'm not sure it matters whether people are born with a certain sexual identity or not, regardless of whether that's straight or LGBT. That conversation seems to only have importance when people are trying to change someone's sexuality, ie conversion therapy. I don't like to form opinions in place of facts that I don't have. It's not really an opinion, it's a guess since it's not a subjective thing. It's unknown.

The question about people coming out later in life is one I'd like more information on, for sure. It seems like a lot of women come out around 40. I wondered if it was a mid-life crisis, maybe hormonal changes from being done having babies or menopause... I'm not saying there's anything to that, just what I initially wondered as opposed to being lesbian. Some women have written that they always knew they wanted kids and were focused on that, but after they had the kids they wanted and they were past the baby-phase, their interests changed. Hormonal birth control has been shown to change the type of men women are attracted to. Even if I didn't have personal experience I'd still be curious. 

I think it would be hard to get reliable information about why people come out when (or even the nature vs. nurture question) without a proper control group, a society where there is no importance or stigma placed on sexuality. If people can't do what they want without risk or reward, it's hard to know what would happen naturally. I guess there are lots of layers to that. My thoughts anyway.

Last edited by HereInMpls2717 (February 7, 2023 8:27 am)

 

February 6, 2023 7:55 pm  #4


Re: Opinion Question

Well I think one thing that puts a bit of perspective on the question is do you think you were born straight?

And for those of us that have been through menopause - has it done anything to change your orientation, certainly hasn't changed mine.  Yes I got some hairs growing on my chin, sigh.  I stopped having periods.  My hair became a bit curly.  My skin became more delicate - that's all due to hormonal changes isn't it.

I just don't feel like orientation changes, it would be like having grown with feet facing forward to waking up one morning with feet facing backwards - not gonna happen.  One set of bits or the other.

I think the phenomena of mid life switches has it's basis in timing - family grown up the romantic thing comes back into play.

Last edited by lily (February 6, 2023 8:45 pm)

 

February 6, 2023 9:04 pm  #5


Re: Opinion Question

I really hope my comments/thoughts came across the way I meant. I'm not saying hormones changing has anything to do with anything... I was questioning just about everything with the timing and I'm NO expert. 

lily wrote:

Well I think one thing that puts a bit of perspective on the question is do you think you were born straight?

And for those of us that have been through menopause - has it done anything to change your orientation, certainly hasn't changed mine.  Yes I got some hairs growing on my chin, sigh.  I stopped having periods.  My hair became a bit curly.  My skin became more delicate - that's all due to hormonal changes isn't it.

I just don't feel like orientation changes, it would be like having grown with feet facing forward to waking up one morning with feet facing backwards - not gonna happen.  One set of bits or the other.

I think the phenomena of mid life switches has it's basis in timing - family grown up the romantic thing comes back into play.

 

 

February 6, 2023 10:08 pm  #6


Re: Opinion Question

I believe we are born straight.   men were meant for women and women for men.   I believe that society's unwillingness to elaborate on right and wrong has led to children being led astray by adults afraid of hurting the child’s feelings and adults saying to other adults what ever floats your boat.  Also the disintegration of marriage in general has made it easy for society to celebrate the spouse coming out while ignoring the straight spouse and children that coming out destroys.


------------------------------                              
previously Itsabouther
 

February 7, 2023 8:20 am  #7


Re: Opinion Question

I dont know...   but I wish people would pick one way or the other at an extremely early age and stick to it..not marry a straight person and decide decades later after kids and marriage that no,  they really  are atrracted to men, woman, animals, trees.   I think we got the bottom of the crop...our spouses have/had a broken moral core to marry and do this to us..

 


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

February 7, 2023 9:12 am  #8


Re: Opinion Question

Charting My Path wrote:

I believe that society's unwillingness to elaborate on right and wrong has led to children being led astray by adults afraid of hurting the child’s feelings and adults saying to other adults what ever floats your boat.

This I kindly disagree with. I've known many people who were not hetero, including some family members, and know they were not raised in an overly permissive, don't hurt their feelings, ambiguously good vs. bad environment. I know because I was there.

Whatever the cause, I do not believe it is a recent phenomena due to some change in parenting or oversight. It has happened throughout history. What has changed is that it's become more OK, in many areas, to speak about it. Also, it's not 'wrong' to be gay. What is wrong is the deception, breaking of trust, and infidelity.

My 2 cents.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

February 7, 2023 7:17 pm  #9


Re: Opinion Question

Daryl wrote:

This I kindly disagree with. I've known many people who were not hetero, including some family members, and know they were not raised in an overly permissive, don't hurt their feelings, ambiguously good vs. bad environment. I know because I was there.
 

I respectfully disagree as well.  I have older (early 80s)  gay relatives who never married. We were raised in conservative, religious households.  They did the right thing by never marrying the opposite sex. They had same sex long term roommates. The relative or the partner passed away before gay marriage became legal in the US.

Also, it's not 'wrong' to be gay. What is wrong is the deception, breaking of trust, and infidelity.
 

 
My GIDXH married me so he wouldn't have to work inside or outside the home. I am a diligent worker and very responsible.  He knew I would accept and support him if he told me he was gay. He knew I would encourage him to have a same sex partner and end our marriage. He liked the freebies I was giving him. He kept the status quo. Many straight men and women marry for reasons other than love.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

February 7, 2023 10:54 pm  #10


Re: Opinion Question

I think many are born gay. It is a natural occurence in animals. I do think orientation can be formed due to environment too, but do not have stats on that. As it pertains to coming out late, I did research alot on this, most people late knew but chose to hide it for a variety of reasons. It is VERY rare for someone to come out late in life and never have had any idea, although it is possible.

I too, was very supportive of my gay exwife in the beginning, but she kept lying to me, breaking our agreements, gaslighting me, all because she could not think of anyone other than herself. That is where my anger is derived from. I no longer wish to have any relationship with her outside of the kids, because I do not believe her to be a good person. If she was a rare case and truly had no idea, all she had to do was tell me the truth.....she chose deception, lies, betrayal instead...and Im not even sure she really is gay and not just a plain narc looking for new supply.

Last edited by Blackie563 (February 7, 2023 10:58 pm)

 

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