Ellexoh_nz wrote:

W10J wrote:

.....Even so, things are much much better now. I breathe again. No more lies. My kids finally got what was going on, and that helped a lot. It took a while, but ex's interactions with them have been pretty awful too, if they cross any lines, like having a life of their own.  Some friends have come back, not all, but I know they're real friends. Somehow, things work out. I didn't think they possibly could, in the middle of it, but they did. 

 

Every morning I wake up and think about my life and situation. I know what's happened will be with me forever. There is no way I can forget....even after separating....the years we've been together but I just hope for peace in my heart, and the knot in my stomach that holds all this Mindfuck emotion to loosen. 

Elle
 

I can't forget either. We had about 37 good years together, most of my adult life. That's a long time to be together, and I was all in.  I never imagined an old age without him. Then came several years, still married, that were awful, so mixed up. I was confused beyond belief.  I think that's the biggest benefit now, that easing of the mindfuck.  I still have ptsd to work through, he was so abusive, but even with that, I'm more at peace than I have been in a long time. Even with grieving the loss of partnership, I'm happy now. I believe you will be too, in the not too distant future. 

You might want to have the talk without them?  Unless you feel unsafe..

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Rob wrote:

You might want to have the talk without them?  Unless you feel unsafe..

Rob...no I don't feel unsafe. But I know that if I have the talk with my partner only it will be swept under the rug, he'll keep it to himself and to be honest....I need the support and attention (in whatever form that takes) of my two youngest....to stand beside my partner's propensity to dismiss, evade and gaslight.

E

 

That sounds like you know what you need, that's such a good thing! 

 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Rob...no I don't feel unsafe. But I know that if I have the talk with my partner only it will be swept under the rug, he'll keep it to himself and to be honest....I need the support and attention (in whatever form that takes) of my two youngest....to stand beside my partner's propensity to dismiss, evade and gaslight.

E

 

That's a good idea with a passive aggressive person. I'd suggest taking notes for this meeting with your kids and stbx and email them to yourself for a date/time stamp. It'll keep your memory fresh if the stbx does his usual thing.  Sorry if a repeat.

MJM017 wrote:

.....That's a good idea with a passive aggressive person. I'd suggest taking notes for this meeting with your kids and stbx and email them to yourself for a date/time stamp. It'll keep your memory fresh if the stbx does his usual thing.  Sorry if a repeat.

 
MJ... I'm not sure about noting stuff down but. I've been writing a script for the last week... in my head.
Because my daughter was away for the weekend my plans to do it yesterday were dashed. So I want to do it tomorrow when she's home. I think I can get them both here without having to tell them why.

I had a good cry this morning. Something I don't let myself do often. I'm doing lots of deep breathing

E